Day Three Hundred and Fifty Two - Societal Norms Part 2

Societal Norm: Church is a social club for Sundays.

Rather than: Church is something you live all 7 days a week. On Sundays you merely congregate in a building.

I've honestly had it with this particular societal norm. Not only does it rob you of any genuine emotion you once had about the Body of Christ, but it has the tendency to fill you with pride that at least you're better than the heathens who are still sleeping off Saturday night's debauchery. Going to a building for an hour on Sundays does not make you better than anyone else for the other 6 days of the week. Or Sunday either for that matter. Church is something you live out. It's learning your bible and your theology on your own time through various sources. It's spending time, each day, talking to the God you profess to love more than anything on a daily basis. It's living as He lived on earth, genuinely, compassionately, and with a sense of humor. It's serving His people, and realizing that all people are His children. It's keeping each other accountable, and stoking the fires of passion. It's being a city on a hill, not having a fake candle in your window. And it's never, ever about being better than anyone else.

I don't always get it right, and I can be the biggest hypocrite. I just wish... that when the HLM and I spoke to other Christians about what we're working toward they didn't look at us like we were naive children who will soon learn that living it out is just too exhausting. For me... not living it out is too exhausting. I can't keep pretending that it isn't my biggest priority. I can't keep pretending that a 'normal life' sounds good to me. It doesn't. It sounds like a big trap meant to keep me from true meaning and fulfillment. The more I follow my heart, the less dead I feel inside. The more I am true to my passions, the more free I feel.

Society tells me that it's okay to live my faith one hour of the week, or less. Society tells me that being 'open' about my faith makes me sound prejudiced and judgmental. Society tells me that we can all get along if we keep our opinions to ourselves. Society is wrong. I am not ashamed of my faith, even if I am ashamed of some of what has been done in it's name. And I don't remember the last time anyone ever got mad at someone who was genuinely serving others. And if we all keep our opinions to ourselves, how will we ever learn? The more I speak to my friends, and listen about their lives and how they see things, the more the way I see the world is broadened, deepened. Sharing experiences and thoughts keeps me humble, for I can see when I am wrong, and another is right, or when both sides have value. Keeping it to myself would be setting myself up for pride and disaster. Society is breeding an entire culture of lukewarm church goers who can't be reached.

Society: 0
Almost any other rational option: 2

Day Three Hundred and Fifty One - Societal Norms Part 1

Societal norm: On Valentines day the man buys flowers, chocolates, and a reservation at a classy hotel in exchange for sex in a red teddy.

Rather than: paying attention to your partner year round and speaking their love language as often as possible, whether it be gifts, quality time, touch, words of affirmation, or acts of service.

In this case, the societal norm is almost offensive as it only caters to one (or maybe two if you count dinner together as quality time) love language, when most people speak all 5 to various degrees. Moreover, the fact that gifts are given with an expectation of reward makes them a payment, and therefore rather degrading, making it incredibly offensive. On top of all of that, it's a complete distortion of the meaning behind the holiday (which is to celebrate love and how powerful it is in the face of adversity), and now has no meaning beyond blatant consumerism that revolves around a 'pudgy, ill equipped little guy... you know, cupid?'. And lastly, 53% of women say that if their partner doesn't get them anything, they will end the relationship. Yup. That seems like a great holiday. I can feel the love. Yea... that's love, right? Oh. No. That's psychotic and purely driven by Hallmark, Victoria's Secret, and Trojan. Frankly, I have no interest in the holiday. I will not be offended if Anthem doesn't do anything special because he does something special every single day by listening, loving, laughing, and growing with me.

Societal Norm: 0
Almost any other rational option: 1

Day Three Hundred and Fifty - Where You Lead

God is doing this really fun thing lately... namely leading me down paths that I have no idea where they go. I prefer to operate in the 'Okay, that is where I would like to end up, but You can choose the route." 

Instead, God is being my turn by turn directions and refusing to tell me the destination. Which, honestly, makes life a whole lot more interesting and has me thinking a whole lot less. But I feel more. I know more. I have more peace. I have more joy. I have more compassion. I have more grace.

He took me seriously. I said, "Where You lead, I will follow." I never said I had to know where we were going. Or why. Only that I would. And I will. And after a few weeks of this... I prefer it this way. 

Day Three Hundred and Forty Nine - Yes If Willing

This is neither the first time nor the last time I'm going to blog about prayer. It's such a complicated subject for me. Some days, I swear it does a whole lot of nothing (which is a greater commentary on my faith than my God to be honest). Other days, I swear it does the opposite of whatever I pray for. Which, again, has more to do with what I think I want vs. what I actually need. And then, on very rare days, He answers very quietly, and very clearly.

Saturday, I started praying for money. I know it seems like a strange request but... well I need it. I want to get married and move into a place and all of that requires money and I don't have any. At all. But here's the thing I love about God. As much as I would LOVE a check to show up on my doorstep, that's not exactly how it works most of the time. But He did indeed answer. As soon as I called my boss, she asked me to work hours that I wasn't scheduled for. The next day, she asked me to work an extra 7 hours. Then she asked me to work 4 hours the next day on my day off. I went from having a 24 hour week to a 40 hour week. Which... is definitely more money than before I prayed.

I like this sort of answered prayer, because it's sort of a litmus test for how much I really want the thing I prayed for. How much do I really want the money if I'm not willing to work for it? He gave me the opportunity to make more money, and I said yes. And I'm thankful. That extra 16 hours will really help.

In the end, I know He hears me; I just wish I could always see the method to His madness, to use one of my favorite sayings.

Day Three Hundred and Forty Eight - Short Fuse

I worked all day today. And it's only the first of many. Starting in December I'll be working 70 hour weeks for a few weeks at least, and when it dies down it'll still be 60 hour weeks. I've got to learn how to handle my stress better and not bring it home because tonight when I started Skyping with Anthem, we were at each other's throats within minutes. I wasn't trying to push his buttons and he wasn't trying to push mine, we were both just crabby because we had long days and missed each other. I don't want to come home with a short fuse.

Because even though a half an hour ago we were at each other's throats, just spending the last half hour looking at him and talking to him, even though some of it was snippy, has relaxed me to the point of being ready for sleep. He makes my day, every day. And when I come home, I'm determined to remember that. I'm determined to cherish him, even when I'm exhausted.

Day Three Hundred and Forty Seven - Tired But Not Stressed

I'd like to say that I have wise things to share with you tonight, but I don't. I'm exhausted. My heart is tired, not from bad things but from so much more good than it's used to. My body is tired from trying to keep up with allergies. My mind is tired from trying to wrap my head around how awesome it is, and trying to figure out how to make it work. It's not going to be easy. And since money is our biggest obstacle, Anthem and I are taking donations.

But I'm not stressed. I have absolutely no idea how all of this is going to work out. It seems absolutely impossible to me. I just know that we're going to fight for it, together. And I know God is going to be the One that accomplishes it. And it's going to be crazy and it's going to seem extreme and it's going to be a lot of things but... well really I don't care if anyone thinks its weird. Love is weird. Dr. Seuss told me so.

Day Three Hundred and Forty Six - Home

"It feels so good to be home."

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have said that in my life. As a rather frequent traveler, it's always been true. I love my adventures. I love being home. As most of you know, I spent the last five days with Anthem. And now, due to living in different states, I'm back where I started. Iowa. But I'm not home.

Home is where Anthem is. That is more true than ever. I flew away from home. I don't even know for certain when the next time I get to be home is. I'm going to be homesick for weeks at least. And I hate it and it makes me sort of pouty.

However, God in His infinite wisdom, has placed a purpose on my heart that was not there before. He took an idea and made it real. I do miss Anthem with every part of me. My body aches to feel his arms around me, my hands are all twitchy because they can't get comfortable without his, I'm freezing without having his constant heat source of a body around, and everything just feels off without him. But there are some things that need to get done before we live in the same state. Quite a few of them, actually. Things that I can totally do to make the transition that much easier.

I guess the purpose of tonight's blog is simply this: instead of wallowing, find a way to prepare for what you want. I want Anthem in my life permanently. So I'm going to work toward that. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to cry my eyes out now and then from gut wrenching longing, but I'm determined not to wallow. Instead I'll work.

One does nothing but make me feel wretched. The other gets ready for awesome. And when I look at it that way, the choice is easy.