I love cooking. It is truly a passion of mine. It calms me. I can take a handful of ingredients and create delicious meals for my husband, myself, and anyone else that happens to be at our house. I find joy in it, and do admit to taking a little pride in it.
Until there is something that I have no clue how to make and there is no recipe. Then I full on panic. Because in cooking, (unlike baking), there are lots and lots of rules that you can bend and break. But you have to know them before you can break them. And you have to know them to know which ones you can't break. For example: ever cook needs to know that chicken is fully cooked at 165 degrees Fahrenheit. You can't break that rule, you can't bend it. Raw chicken is dangerous, even deadly.
Casseroles on the other hand simply need a balance of ingredients, but can be manipulated to be made into almost anything. My chicken pot pie recipe is closer to a curry than anything else.
Cooking is a lot like life that way. There are certain rules you just shouldn't break - don't randomly kill people. And there are certain rules you can bend - if you're going to kill people, please follow Dexter's example. (Joke, please for all the tea in China, remember it's a joke.)
I was okay at life in Iowa, but part of me was deeply unsatisfied. Even bending the rules enough to get by, or breaking a lot of them to try and make life make more sense wasn't really working. I was missing community - not Miss Erica or Marlise or my mom - they were great - but the kind that isn't just made up of people you love. I disagreed with a solid half of what came out of people's mouths on Sunday during Sunday school, and I loved every second of it. Not because I wanted to argue with them, rather the opposite, I kept my mouth shut. But because it felt like home.
Home is a place where you aren't always right and not everyone cares about your opinion, let alone your opinion all of the time and yet that is what I kept asking from church. I was right - clearly - and someone needed to damn well start acting like it. Don't get me wrong, my problem with churches in Iowa goes much deeper (senior pastors gossiping in the name of love while making false accusations that have no proof more than a failed popularity contest) but part of it was also my problem.
I need to sit down and listen to other people. Even when I disagree with them. Some of them are older than me, and they're not idiots, they think like they do for a reason. I can't just dismiss them. They're my family now. As is Anthem. I don't agree with everything he thinks about life or the world but I do respect him enough to take him seriously and think about what he says. Just like I need to respect others that I don't know as well as I know Anthem.
I'm still a rule breaker - like I said, I love to cook and that's not exactly normal here and I will find my chicken! but - but I don't want to do this on my own anymore. I'm not the smartest, wisest, or most intuitive person I know. And that's okay. That's why God gives us age, to allow us to get wiser. And now I'm going to start listening to the wisdom of others - even if I don't agree with all of it at first.
Because rule breaking and bending can make awesome curry dishes out of pot pies. But following the wisdom of those who have gone before us can also lead to amazing apple pies. There's room for both in the kitchen, and there's room for both in life.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Day 415 - Stifled
Hey friends. I'm trying to keep you updated on stuff, but there's a lot I just don't know how to say. It's so very different here. And not just the grocery stores and the freeways and the mother living traffic but I'm married now. My days aren't full of just me anymore. Which is awesome because I can get a little monotonous. My days are now filled with Anthem. Who is really, really hard to put into words. And I'm just not comfortable telling you about all the things that are happening. And not because they're all sexy or bad, but because they're private and I'm not comfortable blogging about my husband.
Some things - sure. Like the other night we decided to rearrange the living room to try to make it flow better and give Anthem some more room for his music equipment. I was rearranging books and he was hanging a picture up. As he got out the hammer and starting hammering the nail into the wall, out of nowhere I pulled out my best Yzma (from The Emporer's New Groove) and said, "Or, to save on postage, I'll smash it with a hammer!!"
He stopped, looked at me, and bust up. "I love you so much."
Or how we've started saying, "It's all good, guy." In our best Jamaican accent because of an awesome cartoon called Stoked which is about Canadian surfers. It's hilarious. And on Netflix. In case you were interested.
Our days are full of randomness but they are also full of whispered conversations as we go to sleep and randomly deep conversations on mini road trips and the way he kisses my forehead... there's so much that's just for me.
I just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that I got married and moved away and suddenly became a different person or an unhappy one or that all is not well. All is very well. All is simply very new and far too much to make into a status update.
I'm just trying to find a balance between getting used to my new life, telling you about it, and processing it all for myself. So if I seem quiet, it's just because I'm not sure what to say, or even how to say it.
Some things - sure. Like the other night we decided to rearrange the living room to try to make it flow better and give Anthem some more room for his music equipment. I was rearranging books and he was hanging a picture up. As he got out the hammer and starting hammering the nail into the wall, out of nowhere I pulled out my best Yzma (from The Emporer's New Groove) and said, "Or, to save on postage, I'll smash it with a hammer!!"
He stopped, looked at me, and bust up. "I love you so much."
Or how we've started saying, "It's all good, guy." In our best Jamaican accent because of an awesome cartoon called Stoked which is about Canadian surfers. It's hilarious. And on Netflix. In case you were interested.
Our days are full of randomness but they are also full of whispered conversations as we go to sleep and randomly deep conversations on mini road trips and the way he kisses my forehead... there's so much that's just for me.
I just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that I got married and moved away and suddenly became a different person or an unhappy one or that all is not well. All is very well. All is simply very new and far too much to make into a status update.
I'm just trying to find a balance between getting used to my new life, telling you about it, and processing it all for myself. So if I seem quiet, it's just because I'm not sure what to say, or even how to say it.
Day 414 - Culture Shock and My Suffering Pantry
I'm going to go ahead and just say it. Texas is different than Iowa. There. It's out in the open now.
Okay, so I knew it'd be a little different when I moved, and to be honest, the only differences are little. They just aren't the ones I expected.
1) Fresh, local ingredients is not a thing here. My request for fresh chicken makes people look at me like I'm a circus act. Every meat counter in Iowa comes with a place where you can get thighs, fresh whole chickens, breasts, etc. wrapped individually or in custom packages. Along with various beef products and pork products. In Texas... no. Unless it's beef. And then maybe some. I'm still trying to find a local butcher, apparently they're the only ones that would even conceive of such a thing. And groceries are more expensive here. Not by a lot, but they are. A grocery cart that would cost me 80 dollars at Fareway will cost me just over 100 here. And while Austin has some amazing farmer's markets come summer, the city in which I live does not. The main grocery store just sticks 'organic' on the plastic labels and charges an arm and a leg for them. Which reminds me: There are two grocery stores here. HEB and Walmart. HEB is a smaller, more grocery driven Walmart. There is an 'entertainment' section in the bigger HEBs. They sell flat screens. Oh, and even the small ones have entire aisles dedicated to toys. Let's just say it's not my favorite place. And I refuse to go into Walmart so I'm still figuring out what to do. Luckily, today I found an Aldi. I'm pretty excited, except that apparently people shop there in secret because around here, you only shop there if you're really poor. And I'm all like - why do I need to be poor to love reasonable food prices?
2) If you are a female, married, and love Jesus than you should love kids. I mean LOVE them. You should want to surround yourself with them all the time. Because kids are blessings from Jesus ya'll. All of them.
3) The younger generation, my generation or any beneath it, are not the focus. The generation above us, or even my parents generation is. They control things, and things are marketed to them. Which isn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, just a little weird.
4) I have been complimented on my hair three times, all by women older than my mother. They just love it here. It is not weird at all. The standards of beauty are really, really different here. My tattoos are not strange, they're lovely. Which is awesome.
That's about it so far. If you could, please say a prayer that I can find a job. I really don't like being idle, and would love to be able to contribute more than cooking meals and balancing the check book.
Okay, so I knew it'd be a little different when I moved, and to be honest, the only differences are little. They just aren't the ones I expected.
1) Fresh, local ingredients is not a thing here. My request for fresh chicken makes people look at me like I'm a circus act. Every meat counter in Iowa comes with a place where you can get thighs, fresh whole chickens, breasts, etc. wrapped individually or in custom packages. Along with various beef products and pork products. In Texas... no. Unless it's beef. And then maybe some. I'm still trying to find a local butcher, apparently they're the only ones that would even conceive of such a thing. And groceries are more expensive here. Not by a lot, but they are. A grocery cart that would cost me 80 dollars at Fareway will cost me just over 100 here. And while Austin has some amazing farmer's markets come summer, the city in which I live does not. The main grocery store just sticks 'organic' on the plastic labels and charges an arm and a leg for them. Which reminds me: There are two grocery stores here. HEB and Walmart. HEB is a smaller, more grocery driven Walmart. There is an 'entertainment' section in the bigger HEBs. They sell flat screens. Oh, and even the small ones have entire aisles dedicated to toys. Let's just say it's not my favorite place. And I refuse to go into Walmart so I'm still figuring out what to do. Luckily, today I found an Aldi. I'm pretty excited, except that apparently people shop there in secret because around here, you only shop there if you're really poor. And I'm all like - why do I need to be poor to love reasonable food prices?
2) If you are a female, married, and love Jesus than you should love kids. I mean LOVE them. You should want to surround yourself with them all the time. Because kids are blessings from Jesus ya'll. All of them.
3) The younger generation, my generation or any beneath it, are not the focus. The generation above us, or even my parents generation is. They control things, and things are marketed to them. Which isn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, just a little weird.
4) I have been complimented on my hair three times, all by women older than my mother. They just love it here. It is not weird at all. The standards of beauty are really, really different here. My tattoos are not strange, they're lovely. Which is awesome.
That's about it so far. If you could, please say a prayer that I can find a job. I really don't like being idle, and would love to be able to contribute more than cooking meals and balancing the check book.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Day 413 - And Jump
Future me: "Hello past me. Here's the thing. You know that guy you just met? In seven months you're going to marry him, leave everything you've ever known, and move to Texas. In doing so, you'll lose a few friends you love deeply, and create strains on others that I'm still not sure if they'll survive or not. But it's worth it, I promise. In the next seven months, you'll learn more about yourself than even the OSM could teach you."
Past me: "Why hello short haired hallucination! You seem to be rather insane."
Future me: "Well I am snarky, aren't I? Look. It's going to be a rather bumpy ride the next couple of months. Not going to lie - you and Anthem are going to be on again off again. You both have a lot to learn, and you'll both conquer a lot of baggage between now and then."
Past me: "Wait. So. Like. For reals. That gorgeous guy that makes my heart race is going to marry me?"
Future me: "He is. And there's so much more to him. Which you'll learn pretty much every day. And he'll hold you in his arms and tell you that he needs you and you won't understand why but the truth is still the same - he does. And you'll start to see yourself differently. You'll see more value in the things about yourself that you take for granted. Point is - I know you don't believe me. And in 3 months you really won't believe me because you two will come to a place where you either unpack your baggage and get rid of it - or keep destroying each other in a mad rush of utter and total nonsense. You choose. Anthem will step up and be a man - the kind of man you've always dreamed of but never really believed existed. The kind that is willing to work, really work for his family. The kind that is willing to step up and be a leader - including all of the responsibility that comes with it. The kind that will humbly, strongly lead. The kind that loves God, and doesn't bullshit about his faith, or walk around it until it's more convenient, and makes mistakes along the way but is honest about them. Anthem... is as perfect for you as anyone is going to be."
Past me: "Heavy."
Future me: "You'll also grow up a little faster than you're used to. It's a side effect. And you'll have someone to lean on, to really, really lean on. You can trust him. With your life."
The point of this inner dialog is this - I never imagined it would work this way. I remember the first time I met Anthem. I couldn't keep a coherent thought in my mind. He was amazing. I didn't need to sleep, or eat, all I needed was to talk to him. And then it got real, and we both self sabatoged. And then we grew up, and tried it again. And I found everything I had been looking for and more - but I never really thought it would happen like this. Anthem and I met eight months ago. I always said I'd need to know someone for a year before even getting engaged to them. Apparently, I lied.
But when the time came and the choice was before me to choose something foreign and scary - like marriage to a man I don't know everything about and starting an adventure I have little to no control over - or something I know like being afraid and being lonely and feeling trapped in the same hamster wheel of never-changing life... it wasn't an easy decision by any means. But I jumped instead of running away.
And I'm so incredibly glad I did. So much more than I have the words for right now. So instead of trying to find them, I'm going to go upstairs and crawl into bed with my amazing, exhausted husband and pray that I always have the courage to jump.
Past me: "Why hello short haired hallucination! You seem to be rather insane."
Future me: "Well I am snarky, aren't I? Look. It's going to be a rather bumpy ride the next couple of months. Not going to lie - you and Anthem are going to be on again off again. You both have a lot to learn, and you'll both conquer a lot of baggage between now and then."
Past me: "Wait. So. Like. For reals. That gorgeous guy that makes my heart race is going to marry me?"
Future me: "He is. And there's so much more to him. Which you'll learn pretty much every day. And he'll hold you in his arms and tell you that he needs you and you won't understand why but the truth is still the same - he does. And you'll start to see yourself differently. You'll see more value in the things about yourself that you take for granted. Point is - I know you don't believe me. And in 3 months you really won't believe me because you two will come to a place where you either unpack your baggage and get rid of it - or keep destroying each other in a mad rush of utter and total nonsense. You choose. Anthem will step up and be a man - the kind of man you've always dreamed of but never really believed existed. The kind that is willing to work, really work for his family. The kind that is willing to step up and be a leader - including all of the responsibility that comes with it. The kind that will humbly, strongly lead. The kind that loves God, and doesn't bullshit about his faith, or walk around it until it's more convenient, and makes mistakes along the way but is honest about them. Anthem... is as perfect for you as anyone is going to be."
Past me: "Heavy."
Future me: "You'll also grow up a little faster than you're used to. It's a side effect. And you'll have someone to lean on, to really, really lean on. You can trust him. With your life."
The point of this inner dialog is this - I never imagined it would work this way. I remember the first time I met Anthem. I couldn't keep a coherent thought in my mind. He was amazing. I didn't need to sleep, or eat, all I needed was to talk to him. And then it got real, and we both self sabatoged. And then we grew up, and tried it again. And I found everything I had been looking for and more - but I never really thought it would happen like this. Anthem and I met eight months ago. I always said I'd need to know someone for a year before even getting engaged to them. Apparently, I lied.
But when the time came and the choice was before me to choose something foreign and scary - like marriage to a man I don't know everything about and starting an adventure I have little to no control over - or something I know like being afraid and being lonely and feeling trapped in the same hamster wheel of never-changing life... it wasn't an easy decision by any means. But I jumped instead of running away.
And I'm so incredibly glad I did. So much more than I have the words for right now. So instead of trying to find them, I'm going to go upstairs and crawl into bed with my amazing, exhausted husband and pray that I always have the courage to jump.
Day 412 - Christian Values
Today, dear friends, we're going to talk about Christian Values. Like love, charity, kindness to others, lame 'harvest parties' on Halloween, awkward hand motions to songs that are inaccurate and cheesy, and a whole lot of hypocrisy (don't worry, I'm totally including myself on that one). That sounds like a really crappy time to me. Because it is. It sucks. Christian values aren't love, charity, and kindness to others. Those are just values. Most non-Christians have them too... That's probably why there are all sorts of non-Christian charities that help people. Because if Christianity is only a club for good people who want to show kindness and charity and love to the world - well we're failing pretty badly at that. And a lot of other clubs for good people to show kindness and charity and love to the world are doing it a whole lot better than us.
Which is incredibly sad. Even though that's not what Christianity is about, it should be a by-product of the church. And it is, of so many churches around the world. The American one is just... struggling. And I've got a few theories as to why but what I want to talk about today is the real Christian values. Because most people have values of some sort, and most of them are pretty good. But Christianity isn't about good values.
It's about being honest enough with yourself to admit that you are not God, and that if you're not, someone is and that someone probably has some things to say to you and you should really stop and listen. And even if you disagree with that someone, they're still GOD. Look, that's a horrible way to explain it. But I'm not good at explaining it. Our entire culture is based on the fact that people are generally good and that any god who would send us good people to hell is an old fashioned work of fiction that granny used to try and keep segregation legal. Or something like that. The real thing is that we don't own guilt anymore. Not diet guilt "Oh I really shouldn't have had that donut - nothing but veggie juice from here til Friday!" or mom guilt, "It's not that I don't love our extended family, it's just that the reunion is at a really bad time for me..." but real, honest, I've done bad things guilt. I have. I'd bet you have too but I don't know all of you so I'm not going to speak for you. I haven't murdered anyone or hoisted a bank robbery, but I have used and manipulated people to get my way. I've thrown people under the bus and done underhanded things out of greed. I've lied, cheated, and occasionally stole. I've hurt people out of spite and hatred, I've gossiped, slandered, and all around a person that is anything but good.
And that... is not good enough. It wasn't my parents fault because they divorced (they did, and I still believe I am capable of making my own decisions regardless) or societies fault because I was let down by the system, or even the church for that matter. I did those things. I chose to do those things. I wasn't confused either, thinking I was doing the right thing and it ended up being wrong. I did these things in malice, plain and simple.
There are many reasons I believe in God, the God of the Christian Bible, but one of them is because if there is a God who actually cares about what we do - He'd let us know the way we ought to do this thing called life. He'd have the answers for the hard stuff. And He'd help us, help us be the people we know we should be but aren't.
And that's what I see in Christianity - a God who has persistently communicated with His people, revealing Himself over time and constantly, constantly helping us. Indeed, saving us from all that we actually deserve. Because that's what Christianity is about - asking for help and being saved - from yourself. Christian values are truth - even when it's hard and unpopular. It's finding meaning in suffering because an omniscient God doesn't let anything go to waste - even if you never understand it in your lifetime. It's about humility. It's about loving unlovable people. It's about serving the world to tell them about Jesus. It's about freedom from guilt and a relationship with our creator. It's about peace despite the circumstances.
In the end - I guess what I mean to say is that if Christianity is nothing more than values - the non-Christians are kicking our asses across the board. But if it's about more than that - if it's about freedom, sacrifice, suffering, peace, joy, forgiveness, and impossible love - then we've got something the world needs.
Which is incredibly sad. Even though that's not what Christianity is about, it should be a by-product of the church. And it is, of so many churches around the world. The American one is just... struggling. And I've got a few theories as to why but what I want to talk about today is the real Christian values. Because most people have values of some sort, and most of them are pretty good. But Christianity isn't about good values.
It's about being honest enough with yourself to admit that you are not God, and that if you're not, someone is and that someone probably has some things to say to you and you should really stop and listen. And even if you disagree with that someone, they're still GOD. Look, that's a horrible way to explain it. But I'm not good at explaining it. Our entire culture is based on the fact that people are generally good and that any god who would send us good people to hell is an old fashioned work of fiction that granny used to try and keep segregation legal. Or something like that. The real thing is that we don't own guilt anymore. Not diet guilt "Oh I really shouldn't have had that donut - nothing but veggie juice from here til Friday!" or mom guilt, "It's not that I don't love our extended family, it's just that the reunion is at a really bad time for me..." but real, honest, I've done bad things guilt. I have. I'd bet you have too but I don't know all of you so I'm not going to speak for you. I haven't murdered anyone or hoisted a bank robbery, but I have used and manipulated people to get my way. I've thrown people under the bus and done underhanded things out of greed. I've lied, cheated, and occasionally stole. I've hurt people out of spite and hatred, I've gossiped, slandered, and all around a person that is anything but good.
And that... is not good enough. It wasn't my parents fault because they divorced (they did, and I still believe I am capable of making my own decisions regardless) or societies fault because I was let down by the system, or even the church for that matter. I did those things. I chose to do those things. I wasn't confused either, thinking I was doing the right thing and it ended up being wrong. I did these things in malice, plain and simple.
There are many reasons I believe in God, the God of the Christian Bible, but one of them is because if there is a God who actually cares about what we do - He'd let us know the way we ought to do this thing called life. He'd have the answers for the hard stuff. And He'd help us, help us be the people we know we should be but aren't.
And that's what I see in Christianity - a God who has persistently communicated with His people, revealing Himself over time and constantly, constantly helping us. Indeed, saving us from all that we actually deserve. Because that's what Christianity is about - asking for help and being saved - from yourself. Christian values are truth - even when it's hard and unpopular. It's finding meaning in suffering because an omniscient God doesn't let anything go to waste - even if you never understand it in your lifetime. It's about humility. It's about loving unlovable people. It's about serving the world to tell them about Jesus. It's about freedom from guilt and a relationship with our creator. It's about peace despite the circumstances.
In the end - I guess what I mean to say is that if Christianity is nothing more than values - the non-Christians are kicking our asses across the board. But if it's about more than that - if it's about freedom, sacrifice, suffering, peace, joy, forgiveness, and impossible love - then we've got something the world needs.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Day 411 - I Married A Stranger
When Anthem and I got married, we both understood that we knew just enough about each other to get married, and the rest we'd learn. We knew enough to love, and enough to trust; everything else we took on faith.
It isn't exactly a popular notion. Many of my peers disagreed with me about it. They believed that you should know just about everything about someone before you marry them. I did once too. But I've come to believe that it's impossible, to a certain extent. I won't know everything there is to know about Anthem in the next twenty years, how on earth could I expect to learn them in a year or two while we're dating? No, instead I got to know his heart as much as I could, and what I found there was a man I had no desire to be apart from. A man I trusted enough to entrust my whole life to him. The rest... the rest I took I took on faith.
I love that about us. It gives me... freedom. As I hope it gives Anthem freedom. Freedom to be ourselves, instead of who we're expected to be. He surprises me every single day, and I really don't think that'll change as time goes on. Because Anthem is so much more, so much more complex, so much more real, so much more layered, and so much more unique than I could have possibly dreamed.
Yesterday, we had decided on sloppy joes and mac and cheese for dinner. But I wasn't feeling so great, so he made it for us. "Are you going to let me make it with yogurt?" He asked.
"Make what with yogurt?" I responded.
"The mac and cheese. We had this discussion. I told you it make it tangy and you said tangy and cheesy did not go together."
I thought for a moment. I don't remember saying that, but it sounds like something I would say. I gave him a kiss, "You make it however you want to, love."
He grinned. And then we both realized that we didn't have any plain yogurt, just fruity stuff. In my head, that was it. It had been worth a try, but one doesn't mix fruit yogurt with mac and cheese. In Anthem's head, it was time to experiment. "Peach yogurt." He said.
I tried not to make a face, and told him again, if he thought it would work, I would try it with an open mind because that man can create combinations that I would never even think of that leave me craving for more. And as gross as it may sound, I assure you, peach yogurt makes mac and cheese mind blowingly good. It was amazing. And as we started digging in, he told me, "I love sloppy joes. I have since I was a kid. But I always used to eat them with peaches. Canned peaches, which is kind of gross, but I do like the flavor combination. I'd just never figured out a way to make it a dish you'd find on a menu, you know? How do you make this something we can put in our restaurant someday? And now I have it. With creamy mac and cheese." He's completely right. I would order that dish off a menu. It's delicious. And because he had the freedom to be himself and experiment, he was able to achieve a small life goal while making dinner on a Wednesday night.
That... that makes me really happy about our marriage.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Day 410 - New New Same Old
My husband is sitting on the floor of our living room, surrounded by papers with chords and lyrics and scribbles and jots, pick in his teeth, guitar in his hands, sounding his way through a sea of songs to arrive at an arrangement for practice tomorrow for Sunday's worship set. I'm on the couch, laptop on my lap, listening and writing. It's quiet in the house except for his voice, singing softly, and the cadence of my fingers on the keys. I could not love life any more than I already do.
I was afraid, to be honest. I was terrified that I wouldn't actually be able to handle all of this change, and that I'd be in for a full on meltdown. I've certainly never tried to handle this much change all at once before. New state (Texas), new city, new relationship status (married), new apartment (absolutely amazing), new job (as soon as I can find one), new friends (as soon as I find those too), new church (which is awesome), and new roommate. He's the best part by far.
Because in this world where I feel as if I know nothing, literally nothing, they don't even have the same brands so I can properly grocery shop here, I have Anthem. And I can trust Anthem, completely. I know that he's looking out for us, so I don't have to worry. I know that because every day he gets up for work at an ungodly hour of the morning, and then comes home to me when he isn't rushing off to his second job. I know because he tells me how much money we made when he gets home from work, even though I didn't do a thing to add a dime to that amount. I know because of the way he looks at me. I know because even though every day with him is a surprise, he is unfailingly good to me.
Which is all I need. Which is all we need, really. Because life is always going to be nothing but newness. Every moment brings a whole new wave of it, and there's no escaping it. But God, even more than Anthem, loves me, and us, and all of us. And He is unfailingly good. All I have to do is know that, and treasure it.
Because no matter how much everything else changes, that will always be true. And as I realize that, I also realized there will be no melt down. I'm married to my best friend, living out my own adventure, and I know, deep down, that I'm home.
I was afraid, to be honest. I was terrified that I wouldn't actually be able to handle all of this change, and that I'd be in for a full on meltdown. I've certainly never tried to handle this much change all at once before. New state (Texas), new city, new relationship status (married), new apartment (absolutely amazing), new job (as soon as I can find one), new friends (as soon as I find those too), new church (which is awesome), and new roommate. He's the best part by far.
Because in this world where I feel as if I know nothing, literally nothing, they don't even have the same brands so I can properly grocery shop here, I have Anthem. And I can trust Anthem, completely. I know that he's looking out for us, so I don't have to worry. I know that because every day he gets up for work at an ungodly hour of the morning, and then comes home to me when he isn't rushing off to his second job. I know because he tells me how much money we made when he gets home from work, even though I didn't do a thing to add a dime to that amount. I know because of the way he looks at me. I know because even though every day with him is a surprise, he is unfailingly good to me.
Which is all I need. Which is all we need, really. Because life is always going to be nothing but newness. Every moment brings a whole new wave of it, and there's no escaping it. But God, even more than Anthem, loves me, and us, and all of us. And He is unfailingly good. All I have to do is know that, and treasure it.
Because no matter how much everything else changes, that will always be true. And as I realize that, I also realized there will be no melt down. I'm married to my best friend, living out my own adventure, and I know, deep down, that I'm home.
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