Day Two Hundred and Eighty Two - Prayer

Prayer is a weird thing for me. It's been... less than successful in the past. But I realize that I say that still in the journey and I know I'll never know the real outcomes in this life. I'm okay with that. But lately prayer, or the need for it, has been pressing on me. The other day, I was praying and I suddenly needed to be on my knees. It was like I was suddenly 10x heavier, and yet the weight was lifted and a calm settled over me as soon as I knelt. Except I was in a place where kneeling wasn't exactly possible for more than stolen moments. 

And now, a similar heaviness is upon me. The deep, deep need for prayer. Because my heart saw something impossible through my eyes today. And while it makes me feel even more crazy than usual, I don't care so long as I get to praying about it. And I need to. The only reason I'm writing this is because I'm... mildly OCD about my prayer time and if I'm going to actually sit down and pray then I have to do it somewhere clean and my room is a mess. So I figured I'd write about it first. Because... yea. 

I need to write about prayer more often. Maybe I'll get a better grasp on it. Right now, despite having read some very good books on the subject. I'm just lost. I'm gonna go talk to my Daddy about it. He knows more than I do.