I spent the vast majority of today fighting the entire migration of monarch butterflies that I somehow managed to swallow intact and in their entirety. And no matter how many times I prayed for time to go slower, it raced by and before I was ready, it was 3:30 and the phone was ringing. And it went really well.
Because during the day, even with the nerves, I realized something. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid of this job, of being challenged, of success. I know I can do it and I'm not going to ruin this for myself by telling myself I can't. I know I'm perfect for it. So if I don't get it, the only reason is because my GPA and standardized scores are too low, because I will have done everything else in my power to get it.
More importantly, for the first time, I have hope. There is, in my opinion, a solid chance that I'll get it. And that feels amazing. Just to hope, to have real hope again. To have that confidence in myself again. I'm not sure when I lost it but to have it back means the world to me. To have it back makes all of this worth it.
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