Day Seventy Three - Screw You Weather People

1) I'm curious, do you guys just roll the dice? Or throw a dart at a spinning board? Because you guys are right about as often as the house loses at roulette. Those little 'interactive maps' you make those, don't you? That's not a picture of what has happened, or what will, its just a horrible little game that you haven't explained to the rest of us.

2) ARE YOU MENTALLY HANDICAPPED?! I don't know about the rest of you, but our weather people here in Iowa are obsessed with being grossly ignorant of the needs of the community. I often times scream at them through the TV. Usually, something like this, "Listen up, you brainless dipshits. I'm not sure what form of stupid has invaded and infested in your abnormally small brain but here in IOWA it is a BAD thing if our winter is SO mild that the trees start budding in January. Because its means they're ALL GOING TO DIE or at least be severely injured come spring. Speaking of spring, do you realize that because we're getting almost no snow there will be almost no water running into the ground so we're going to start the planting season off with a drought!? But you keep celebrating that 'jacket weather' you INCREDIBLY DENSE ASSWIPES."

3) You build up my hope with your ugly faces twisted into something akin to 'omg, actual weather!?' when you tell me it's going to snow. And then smash it the very next day when I look out my window to 'ugly ass dead brown stuff'. And then, to add insult to injury, YOU'RE SMUG ABOUT HOW WRONG YOU WERE. 

Screw you, weather people. If I ever see you in public I will question your intelligence. The only acceptable answer is that you're paid to say that dumb 'its 50 in January! There won't be any negative consequences for that, right?' stuff. At which point I will respond, "You aren't paid enough. Go get your dignity and your balls out of the corporate jar before you become permanently perky and mentally challenged." Seriously. Is that really what you wanted to do when you were a little kid? ...Yea, me neither. In fact, I don't think most people wanted to be an object of public ridicule.