Day 454 - Ode to 4:16am

The alarm goes off but I don't hear it. But I hear the door as you slip outside. I've still got a few minutes.

The sheets cool off as I try to curl into them and trap your heat. It escapes anyway. 

I hear the door again. I feel your arms around me, and wrap mine around you, and tuck my head into you.

And then you're gone. 

And I can't sleep. 

It wasn't always like this. In the beginning, it was my favorite part of the night. No longer fighting you for my designated foot of space. No longer overheated by your furnace of a body. No longer worrying if my tossing and turning will wake you. No longer fighting you for the covers you like to throw off and get tangled in. 

But now... unless we're tangled or touching I can't get comfortable. Now I need your heat to balance out my stolen blankets. Now I need to be fighting for my foot, and tucked into you, to feel comfortable. You keep me still. Now...

The house is too quiet. The sheets are too cold. I've got far too much room to get comfortable. It's a useless fight. So it's my wake up time too.

Around 6, when the sun starts to come up, and the birds start to move, and it's not so quiet, and it's not so cool, I can finish the night. A last hour or two. 

That's why I'm so tired in the mornings. I haven't been up as long as you, or working. But I'm still pretty beat. It's my morning routine. Missing you. 

Day 453 - It Isn't Always Overnight

Life takes time. No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how wise you become, there is always more wisdom to be obtained. There is no rushing it. It goes on, and we go with it, changing every moment. Hopefully for the better.

In this instant gratification world we live in every moment is filled and every meal needs to be 30 minutes or less and change needs to be NOW. Instant.

But... despite our obsession with instant, some things are going to take a little (or a lot) of time and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. And most of the things that take time are very much worth it. And every moment doesn't need to be filled with something taking my attention.

Which leads me to two conclusions we (as a couple) have come to in the past few days.

1) No more Netflix. Anthem and I have both felt convicted separately that it's time for it to go. We have to much we need to be doing and it's too easy to just turn it on and let it play. No more. It's time to retrain the brain to function without background noise (or at least as much of it). And this too will take time. It will not be an overnight transformation, but a small step in a direction we know we need to go. And we're not sure what it will look like as it goes on - I can't plan it - it takes time.

2) Some foods need time too. Not all meals can be made in 30 minutes or less. I love onion soups. I love them. But they need time. You can't just whip one of those up or your soup will taste like raw onion (which is tasty, but not in a soup). So I took the time to make a creamy onion soup. It was delicious. And it took almost two hours. And that's okay.

So... change doesn't happen overnight (all the time). And just because our society is a certain way, doesn't mean that life changes to match it. I really just want you to know that its okay to slow down. I needed to know that too.