It's been so long. We need to catch up. We need a half a day devoted to nothing but hot tea, an Austen movie in the background (A BBC Masterpiece theatre selection would also work), and crocheting some slippers while we fill each other in on what's going on in our lives. Except that's not going to happen because I've got about fifteen minutes while my little man takes a nap. It's not much but it's a start.
I reread blog posts from the past today and it was beyond strange to hear my voice talking to me from the past. That girl who had seemingly endless time to reflect and write seems like a stranger now. Have I really changed so much?
Yes. Yes is the short answer.
For starters: How did I not realize how much time I had!? Dear Heaven. No wonder I was so angsty about everything. All I ever did was ruminate. Honestly.
And yet, yet I did not know myself half as well as I thought I did. But only time reveals that truth. No amount of solitude or introspection can shed that light. Only hindsight. For fun, allow me to follow up on a few of the characters from the blog.
The OSM and I haven't spoken since before my wedding. While a complete break wasn't what I had expected, I can't say that I would have it any other way, either. I do love the OSM still, but he has no place in my life now. I look back on him fondly, and thankfully, but without any desire to renew that friendship.
The Gentleman isn't a gentleman. He's kind of an asshole to be honest. A classy asshole, to be sure, but still an asshole. I have no idea how that self delusion lasted as long as it did. Honestly, my relationship with him is the one I regret the most. Ugh. Just makes me shudder.
I have no idea what nickname I used to use for my buddy in the blog, so I'm just going to call him my buddy. He recently got engaged (finally) and while he and I are no longer close, it is a very comfortable distance. Life changes, so do relationships. It was good while it lasted, while we needed it, and now life moves us ever apart.
My heterosexual life mate and I haven't spoken in months, which is very sad because I miss her quite a lot. I miss the smell of glitter.
Mom is doing well, and due for a visit in the coming months. Miss Erica is still in Iowa and working on her degree. Alex and I saw each other recently, and it was lovely.
It was so easy, in Iowa. I had so many friends. Always talking about my guy friends and how I'd always have them. Turns out, once I had the attention and devotion of one man, that was all I needed. To be honest, I now find single men exceedingly tedious. It is women I miss. I'm... having more trouble making friends here than I thought. Like I said in the beginning, I only have fifteen minutes here and there. I've been working on this post for three days.
Oh, bussom buddies. Christmas and cooking and crochet and tea. Quiet days. They were lovely, though I wouldn't trade my babbling boy to get them back. I believe it will be a number of years before I get my quiet days again. Instead, I have days full of giggles and sudden tears and poopy diapers and endless wiggles. And that is enough for now. Indeed, more than enough. My days are loud, but my heart is full. It is time for a new type of bussom buddy. Not the one of my twenties: single, flighty and fanciful, lacking any solid direction. Life is too different now. I have my direction. I have my family. Perhaps, now that I take the time to ruminate a little, I am having such difficulty because I have not taken the time to realize how much has changed.
So, I pray that someday soon, I may find a soul a little like mine and we can share our time together. There. Now tell me about what's going on with you.
Mom is doing well, and due for a visit in the coming months. Miss Erica is still in Iowa and working on her degree. Alex and I saw each other recently, and it was lovely.
It was so easy, in Iowa. I had so many friends. Always talking about my guy friends and how I'd always have them. Turns out, once I had the attention and devotion of one man, that was all I needed. To be honest, I now find single men exceedingly tedious. It is women I miss. I'm... having more trouble making friends here than I thought. Like I said in the beginning, I only have fifteen minutes here and there. I've been working on this post for three days.
Oh, bussom buddies. Christmas and cooking and crochet and tea. Quiet days. They were lovely, though I wouldn't trade my babbling boy to get them back. I believe it will be a number of years before I get my quiet days again. Instead, I have days full of giggles and sudden tears and poopy diapers and endless wiggles. And that is enough for now. Indeed, more than enough. My days are loud, but my heart is full. It is time for a new type of bussom buddy. Not the one of my twenties: single, flighty and fanciful, lacking any solid direction. Life is too different now. I have my direction. I have my family. Perhaps, now that I take the time to ruminate a little, I am having such difficulty because I have not taken the time to realize how much has changed.
So, I pray that someday soon, I may find a soul a little like mine and we can share our time together. There. Now tell me about what's going on with you.
