The only thing I question about that statement is the end. I've been raised around too many hoarders to think that the accumulation of stuff is to impress people. Take it with a grain of salt as I have no formal training in the matter, but I think the accumulation of stuff in our homes, in our lives, is due to the fact that our relationships are becoming more and more shallow, time together is compromised, and we are flooded with fear of forgetting or being forgotten.
What is undeniable, however, is that we live in a culture defined by stuff. We have more stuff than ever. Despite an economy that is hurting, ever increasing personal debt, and houses that are built with 3x more space than that of our parents and grandparents, the market for personal storage units continues to steadily grow and is at an all time high. And it's not just continual accumulation of our own stuff (and a stubborn refusal to get rid of stuff), we love other people's stuff. Antiques Road Show has been on for decades, but Hoarders, Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, American Pickers, etc. are more popular than ever. And I'm not exempt. It is a well known fact that when I need to get motivated to clean, I watch an episode (or 6) of Hoarders. And I find Storage Wars fascinating. I just do.
I've been thinking about stuff a lot lately as Anthem have been packing up our small apartment to move in with his parents. It's a win win situation for both families in this economy and we hope at the end of a year and a half to have saved up enough money to put a down payment on a house of our own. We're very excited to help each other out during this transition, as well as having Haven come home to a large family. That being said, it also means we have to cut down on our stuff significantly. Every item we own has to be assessed into one of three categories: move, store, or let go. Considering we already don't have very much, and plan on getting our own home in the next year or two, getting rid of all of our furniture, kitchen supplies, books, linens, etc. wouldn't be very wise. But we can only take essentials with us. And Haven has a lot of essentials already, leaving Anthem and I with enough room for little more than toothbrushes and laptops.
At first it was sort of difficult. After all, you surround yourself with things that you need and want. That's why you bought it in the first place. But the truth is that I don't need to have instant access to every book I have accumulated over the years, nor my entire and extensive blanket collection (I used to live in a much colder climate). I don't need most of my kitchen ware as we're moving into a fully stocked home, so the same goes for our dining ware and most of our furniture. As we kept going though, it became easier and easier to realize the things I really do use all the time (toothbrush, deodorant, cell phone, lap top) are a lot fewer than I had thought. It was liberating. I was flooded with appreciation for the little things, and felt lighter every time we decided we didn't need something.
Most of our things we've packed to store because while we won't need them for the next year, we will need them again soon. But the beautiful thing of being forced to go through all of your earthly possessions is finding all the things you haven't touched in the last year. Like the beautiful comforter that Anthem and I have never used because it's just wildly impractical. It's silky for goodness sake, which means that it will slide right off the bed as soon as you crawl under it. It's incredibly annoying, rather loud, and absolutely beautiful. We're selling it. Along with our nice, and rather uncomfortable love seat. Along with half my blanket collection and a few of Anthem's old pedals. Oh and some books that we've never read and to be honest aren't going to read. And each time we made the decision to let go of something, I felt free. And we made the decision to never again hold onto something 'because we might need it/use it someday'. Like the comforter. And the books. The self deception ended.
And after being forced to look at every item critically, I have come to a single conclusion. I don't need stuff. Some of it is really, really nice. My toothbrush. My bed. My favorite pair of tennis shoes. But I don't need it. I need people. I need my husband and Haven. I need my family and friends. But I do not need stuff.
And I don't need stuff to remind me of them.
Isn't that why we keep so many things we're not using anymore? Because it reminds of us of a person that we love (especially if it's one we have lost) or a wonderful time in our life. So many of those things quickly become clutter. For instance. My dad went to the Grand Canyon once and brought me back a stick. I know it seems weird, but it was a gorgeous, artwork-ish stick and I held onto it for years because it reminded me of my dad. During one of my many moves over the last few years, however, I came to the conclusion that while it was a beautiful stick, it was indeed just a stick and that getting rid of it was not a reflection of my feelings toward my dad. I just didn't want to haul a stick around from apartment to apartment when I had a picture of the two of us that reminded me of him just fine. Because clutter doesn't enhance my life, even if it's clutter full of memories. Those people enhance my life, and I want to keep making memories with them, not holding onto old ones.
It took me years to learn that letting go of something someone I loved gave me was not a reflection of how I felt about that person. Letting go of something that reminds me of you does not equate to letting go of you. In fact, letting go of stuff makes more room for the people you love to fill you. And not just emotionally, or even spatially. But financially. A lot of the things Anthem and I have decided to let go of we're selling. Because other people will pay for our used things.
My mother is the perfect example of this. I was raised in a six bedroom house that was fully furnished. Over the years, we've moved into apartments, and then smaller apartments, and then smaller apartments. Suffice it to say, she doesn't have the same needs as when she had a six bedroom house, or even when she and I lived together. Instead of holding onto all that stuff, she's decided to sell it and use the money to come visit Anthem and I this summer. It's a win win. Less stuff, more freedom, and more room for the people she loves even as she let's go of things that remind her of us. I'm so incredibly proud of her. And I'm inspired by her.
At the end of this day, and the end of this post, I want to remind you (and myself as I continue to pack) of one final thing. Even our most treasured possessions will not pass beyond the grave with us. We can take nothing with us. But our relationships endure the grave. So that's where I'm determined to invest my time and my money. Not in things, but in people. Because I don't need things. I need people.
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