The Delicate Balance

I hate wasting time. Which is ironic because I waste a lot of it. Or at least I think I do. And then I remember that just because I have Netflix playing in the background doesn't negate the fact that I'm making dinner, picking up the living room (for the hundredth time today), sorting laundry, keeping my little man alive and well, and trying to fit a shower in there. And if that doesn't seem like a lot for one day, just remember that it's all being done in tiny, tiny chunks because my main goal is definitely being a mother to my son. Sometimes that does mean putting him in his play pen to play by himself for a few minutes so I can make dinner without burning it. But most of the time that means hands on mama time. Books to be read, tents to be built (and if you think he's too young for tents you're missing the amazed look on his face when we crawl into it), block towns to be destroyed, and harmonicas to be marveled at. Also of note, heads to be bonked, teeth to be cut, maniacal laughter to scare mama with, faces to make, things to be gotten into that ought not to be gotten into, messes to make, and so, so, so many things to try to eat.

Lets be honest, showering is now a twice a week occurrence, and even then its not because I want to. I'm usually too tired to enjoy the sensation of being clean, and honestly would rather just take a five minute nap. Actually, no matter what I am doing I would rather be taking a five minute nap. I digress.

When I truly ponder it (like I am now, because my husband is home from work helping with our little man) I realize that in all reality I don't waste much time. Sure, I could be more productive in that half an hour before bed in which I usually look at funny pictures on the internet, but at that point I'm honestly so exhausted even reading is often out of the question. In fact, argument could be made that I don't waste enough time.

Because time wasting isn't always a waste. When every moment is attempting productivity, days are long and exhausting. Minds need to recharge. Reset. And not like 'pinterest' recharging either. I am not a super mom. Yes, I can get a crap ton of stuff done in one day while taking care of my son. Because I'm awesome. But my 'down time' is not spent Martha Stewart-ing my home.

So, to get away from my ingrained 'guilt cycle', I'm scheduling time wasting. Small chunks of every day in which I do something that cannot be considered productive. I'm gonna let you know how it goes. The experiment starts now.