I Feel Like A Superhero

       Okay, today's entry is going to be short and sweet. I'm quitting smoking. Cold turkey. From about a pack and a half a day. I'm doing it for many reasons, well no, that's not true. I'm excited about many of the benefits (my favorite not being better health but smelling like my shampoo instead of ash) but am only doing it for one reason. My reason. My own, personal, has nothing to do with anyone else, reason.

       So to my smoking friends, please stop getting defensive. I do not think I'm better than you because I'm quitting. You should know this. I loved smoking. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and do not fault you at all for similarly enjoying it. Smoking, in my opinion, is and ever will be a personal choice that, no matter what the crazy vegans say, doesn't make you an evil human being. Its nicotine. It's an injection of calm in a super stressful world. It's an alternative to homicide. And once again, it's your choice. My reason has nothing to do with my health, my finances, or my friends. So don't try and tell me that it does. Don't tell me how you've been smoking for "insert number here" years and have never had a negative side effect. I don't care. Don't tell me how the cost is worth it for the calming effects and properly budgeted its actually cheaper blah blah blah. Didn't do it for that reason either. Still don't care. And no, my non smoking friends did not influence my decision.

       What I would like from you, though, is a friend that knows what I'm going through. I mean come on, people. Nonsmokers have no idea. They do not understand how incredibly good that drag feels after a stressful day. All they see is cancer and ash, and think that it should be super easy to give that up. Its not. Beyond the fact that its addicting, the root problem is that its a habit. It's something I do when I get emotional, when I drive, when I have long phone conversations, when I'm stressing out, and when I drink. So to break that habit, I'm trying to avoid those situations, yes, including driving, until I feel stronger. And believe it or not, nonsmokers telling me how I should have done it a long time ago, stresses me out. I thank all of my nonsmoking friends for their support, really, I do. Without you guys, it'd be a hell of a lot harder. But please just accept that you don't understand and that it really is harder than not sucking ash. It's chemical, it's psychological, it's literally painful (f*ing headaches), and it takes time and replacement methods. Suggestions are welcome, but I'll keep the final say, thank you. All I want from my smoking friends is an understanding nod, not "Well since it's your choice to quit, I don't understand why you're bitching about it." Seriously? I listen to you whine about girlfriends (that we both know are retarded), boyfriends (that we both know are tools), parents that you refuse to stand up to, friends that you put up with that you shouldn't, jobs that you put up with when you shouldn't, and any other list of things that there are to whine about that are just as much in your control as the lack of cigarette in my hand. So please, just be a friend, and say, "Yea, it sucks." I'm not asking you to do anything more, in fact I'd much appreciate if you didn't come along on my stress relieving walks/jogs/sprints. Because while on them, all the crazy I'm keeping in by not screaming at the stupid people, crying at the things I can't control as my cravings spike, reaffirming 'my willpower is stronger than my cravings' that sounds crazy to normal people comes out in very strong bursts. I want to do all of this alone.
 
      And I'm giving it my all to try and continue acting like a rational human being. Just keep that in consideration for the next two weeks, and I'll try and whine as little as possible. I'm going to quit no matter how many of my buttons you push. I'm going to quit no matter what. But I'd really appreciate anyone that makes it suck less, forgives me for my outbursts, and has more patience with me than they should. I promise I'll listen to you whine about how awful I was in a few months.

     And just so you know, to non smokers and smokers alike: I feel like a superhero. I am overcoming a chemical addiction and a truly beloved habit. Every minute I don't have a smoke, I feel stronger. I feel like I can do anything. Because I can, I'm just proving it day by day.

     I'm curious. What makes you feel like a superhero?