Non Smoking Update (A Two for One Rant)

 Things I didn't know about quitting smoking:
     There is a period of SUCK, followed by a honeymoon period, followed by a whole lot more SUCK.
     I thought, mistakenly, that once the honeymoon period kicked in, it was going to stay. Surely this boosted energy, this vastly improved mood, this feeling of invincibility, was going to last forever!
     Ha. No. Not even close. Now I'm back to being mildly miserable pretty much all the time. For the past 4 days the only thing on my mind was how badly I wanted a cigarette. No, that's not true. How much I wanted an entire pack of cigarettes. All to myself. To suck down with a holy vengeance until I was coughing up a lung and saturated to the brim with delicious, delicious nicotine. It's been a rough week to be sure, and smoking was my number one go-to when life started to suck. When I quit, I substituted video games, but low and behold, it takes a lot longer for the video game drug to kick in, and God forbid I died before I started to calm down. It is a small miracle both of my controllers, my living room windows, and my TV are still intact. And by that point I'm beyond calming.
     However, nothing was going to change my motto of 'Under no circumstances will I give in to my cravings'. I allowed myself to fantasize about it a little (I learned that's a bad idea) but refused to give in. My willpower was stronger than my circumstance. I was determined to prove that statement to be true. I still am. But it sucks. It really, really sucks. The only reason I can continue is because I know its the right thing to do. I know its making me healthier with every day I beat my cravings into a bloody pulp, or shoot them in the head. (Okay, so now you know what I think about when I kill the splicers in BioShock. Good for you.)
     Which brings me to the two for one part of this post. I continue to set my will against smoking because I know its what is best for me.  The same is not true about waiting around for my long lost love, who will forever more be known as Jonah. I waited for a long time, but cannot continue. Not because my will isn't strong enough (see above) but because I'm not convinced it's the healthiest thing for me. I think moving on and being open to a new chapter in life is actually a whole lot healthier, both for me and for my relationships. All of them. Especially the one with the big man upstairs.
     Yet, some of my friends seem to insist that this change of heart will be devastating for my life. Does anyone else find this as absurd as I do? Since when has being open to the unexpected been a bad thing? Ever? Not to mention, of course, the absurd rudeness. How can anyone assume that a change like this, coupled with a week like this, wouldn't lead to girly heartache?
     I am that friend that everyone calls when life sucks. I may not get the party invite, but I will always get the 'Life has just taken a giant turd on me and I need someone that cares' phone call. And I always go. Because I love them. Because I'd assume that when its my turn to just lay down in the street for a while and wallow, they'd be willing to join me. (I'm going to give a big shout out to Linz from Achievos for being that awesome friend for listening to me wallow and waiting for me to get back up on my own without pushing. In the VERY off chance that ANYONE that reads this Blog and not that one - go now.) Turns out that is not always true.
     Though I do understand periods of weakness, where I am barely holding myself up and cannot go wallow with you or I will tumble myself. And if that's the case, then I understand the position. But that does not make me any stronger, or give me any will to get back up. I need time, and I'm taking it. And I can't smoke when I get angry so...
     BACK THE FUDGE OFF BEFORE I LOSE MY SCHMIDT ON YOU.