For the past few months, the verse Philippians 2:12-13 has been going through my mind at random times.
"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."
I think I often forget just how much grace is involved in my salvation. And how much change is necessary. God invites us as we are, but for our good and His glory, will not let us remain the same. It helps to remind me that our walk is not something that we start when we begin to walk with Jesus and never work on again until we die, but something that we work out day by day, for God works in us. Our walk needs daily course correction. Sometimes hourly. God is not a God to be taken lightly, even as He showers us with grace and makes us heirs. He is not to be dismissed. It is a covenant, and while permanent, needs constant tending by both parties.
The same is true of marriage. I love my husband deeply, and have no doubt that our marriage is permanent. But it would be foolish to think that once we got married, and swore to be there forever, that our marriage would be smooth sailing from that point on and really didn't need anymore work. I love how one covenant teaches me about the other, and how I've come to appreciate both more fully.
The other day we were out working together, and it was hot, and I had drastically underestimated the task, so we were going to be out in the heat for a very, very long time. Anthem was pretty upset. He wasn't going to leave and make me do it by myself, but he was not happy. I had to take more breaks than he did, as I am not used to this Texas level heat. No, Iowa, it's not the same. I said that in the beginning, I was wrong. It's hotter here. But together, we kept on. And it got easier, much easier as the day went on. We were talking, even having a bit of fun together, and just toughing it out. And suddenly, we were done for the day. And that's when something spectacular happened.
Anthem came up, hugged me, and immediately began to pray. "God, I'm sorry. You have entrusted me with Your daughter and I did not encourage her today. But she toughed it out with me anyway, and kept a positive attitude. Lord, I thank you for her." And he kissed me on the forehead and apologized to me. I was pretty much moved to tears at his humility and strength.
We've been married for a little over 5 months, and have apologized to each other quite a number of times. We've also prayed over each other... a lot. Just a lot. We've stopped to take time to repeat how thankful we are for each other, both when we're feeling it, and when we're angry or hurt. We do something to course correct our marriage, whether it be our own emotions and attitudes, our behavior toward each other, our long and short term life goals, our spending habits (and saving habits and our need and wants lists), our prayers, and a whole host of other things as we grow together as one at least everyday, and sometimes a whole lot more often than that. We work it out, and are ridiculously happy doing so. It's not always easy, but never once would I think that it's not worth it. It's even gotten easier as we go along. It's much easier now than it was in the first week when we still knew each other so little.
I think the same thing goes with God. I don't give Him nearly as much attention as I do my husband, which is sad but true. And will probably always be true. But when we talk, and I apologize (only works one way in this particular relationship) and we work together, not only does our relationship improve, but my life does too. In the same way that when Anthem and I work it out, our marriage improves and so does our life because the two cannot really be separated. I have no life outside of my marriage. And any idea that I have a 'life outside of my faith' is false. They are all intertwined too much, woven into each other and layered.
So just... remember with me. That course correction is essential, healthy, and just in case you're still buying into all that our society has to say about marriage does not make you weak because proving your dominance in marriage is a really good way to be miserable. So I'm just going to say it and accept any backlash I may get. Compromising has made me a better woman. For the sake of not being willfully misunderstood, my husband often compromises and will watch a movie I want to, or eat noodles again because he loves me deeply. But being considerate of another human being (especially one that is almost always right, which often means that I am wrong when we bump heads) has made me a better woman. Regardless of how stubborn I am (which is really, really stubborn) and how often I think I am right (which is a number highly inflated by my ego) the fact remains that thinking of another person, that compromising, and sometimes even just straight up letting the other person have their way makes us all better people.
And can help teach us the humility (and by God's grace, grace and patience) to submit (not compromise, submit) to God's will. To seek His, and accept His instead of mine. The longer I'm married, the more I understand my faith. Guess that's why He used marriage as a metaphor so often.
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