Yesterday my mom ran into one of my old teachers. They talked about a lot, though I did come up. The teacher said she had heard I was pregnant, and she was happy for me. I know the teacher. She's just saying that. She always wanted 'great' things for me, and being a pregnant worship leaders wife working as a patient coordinator in a dermatologists office, regardless of how ridiculously happy I am, would not qualify as 'great'.
I'm not sure what 'great' is. When I was in high school I thought it was becoming a lawyer. When I was in college I thought it was any high powered job that would make a for a fast paced career, or at least a big move in my life that had me doing once in a lifetime stuff that took a lot of bravery even if it meant a lot of ramen noodles. What I've come to realize about most of these ideas of 'great' that were floating around in my head were of me as single, self sufficient, and far too busy for 'love' or if I had to endure such a thing, 'love' that was always on the back burner. And kids... kids seemed like a failure that one must endure if one feels obligated to.
I'm overjoyed about being pregnant, even with all of the sickness and not being flush with money. I love my husband more than I have words to express, and am happier with my life than I could have ever imagined. I adore my unborn child and can't believe I'm so blessed as to be making children, and soon to be raising children, with Anthem. I love our tiny apartment. I love what I've learned about money through poverty. I even love my job, though I'll probably love it more when I'm not sleeping so much that I have little life outside of it.
Missing the cold of Iowa while getting used to the warmth of my new home has led me to remember more than usual. And be thankful. There was so much negativity in Iowa. Life was such a struggle. I had a lot to learn, and I'm thankful for all I went through, though I wish I hadn't put myself through quite so much. Alas. I don't know. I don't mean to be mean, but tonight when I took a shower all I could think of was washing all of that off of me for good.
I'm a Texan now. This is my home. And while I will forever mock Texans about their lack of ability to function under 40 degrees, and try my hardest to make sure my children have midwestern accents, I love it here. I love that we hardly even listen to the Supreme Court here because we're Texas and we do whatever we please. I love that we all have guns. I feel safer because we all have guns. I love that we asked our neighbors to chill out on the smoking because I'm pregnant and THEY DID IT. For real. They cut down on their smoking indoors and now go out to their cars. Because they're nice people. Because they're Texans.
I'm a pregnant, worship leader's wife, working as a patient coordinator in a dermatologists office, living in a tiny apartment in Texas and I am doing something great. I am living my life. Not the life anyone else had planned for me. Not the life I had planned. But the life I was given an opportunity to explore and run with and enjoy each and every moment with the greatest man I've ever met. That life. That life is great.
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