The heart of this post is summed up in three scenes from the past week.
1: Driving home from a Soaking Sessions.
"I want to tell you something, Anthem, but you can't tell anyone else." He nodded, and I continued. "As strong willed as I am, I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you are stronger willed, and can rein me in when I need it. I just... wanted to thank you. It's much easier to be a good follower when I know I've got such a good leader."
He turned and looked at me, squeezed my hand, and said, "You know, love, its true in reverse too."
2: Home Depot Parking Lot
It is important to understand that at this point we're driving around in the truck and have plants and packages everywhere. We've been enjoying a street fair for hours and are stopping at Home Depot to pick up the supplies to properly replant the plants we purchased, one of which is on the seat divider, two are in my lap, and two are by my feet. Anthem and I are discussing the books we just purchased, and are so into the conversation that we were both hanging out the doors, unwilling to take the half a second to get out of the truck and walk around to continue it. Then, out of nowhere, Anthem says,
"I appreciate you. I just... I have never, ever enjoyed spending time with someone as much as you. I so thoroughly enjoy you. You are cool, my love. I love you."
Obviously, I grinned, thoroughly pleased. I nodded, and said, "Ditto. So. Much. Ditto."
3: Sunday Morning
It's 7:45 am. We are both exhausted. Anthem is trying to wake up his voice as the praise team does a final rehearsal before the 8:30 service. Saturday was a blissful break from our hectic schedule, but we're both feeling the pressure as Soaking Sessions gets closer and closer to it's start date, and my job search continues fruitlessly, and Anthem works all the time, either unpaid at the church, or paid trying to make sure we can pay all our bills. I know he feels the pressure. We make eye contact and he motions for me to get his throat spray, which we usually keep in my purse so we're never without it when he needs it. However, this morning, it is absent. I've got nothing. He shrugs and mouths, "It's okay." And then tells the worship leader, "I'll just get some water." Except he doesn't have time to leave the stage. So I get up, get a cup, fill it with water, and set it near him. In the middle of a song, he takes the time to make eye contact with me, and mouth, "Thank you." And blow me a kiss. Despite everything that is going on around us, he takes the time to genuinely thank me for such a little thing.
What has been forming in my heart all week now comes to a head: He is tender with me. His love for me is tender. His love for me is tender. I am his, and he protects me, and is kind and gentle and loves me and appreciates me. And he is mine and I respect him more than I have ever respected any man, delight in being his partner, and love him deeply. His gentle tenderness is teaching me so much about God, and how He loves. I have never, ever been loved like Anthem loves me. And none of us have ever been loved as God loves us. It's... really, really enlightening.
Lesson: Ladies. There is a difference between mush and tenderness. Mush happens when there is a romantic light in the air and you're dancing under the stars and he whispers in your ear. (Mush can be awesome, btw, but it is no substitute for tenderness.) Tenderness is when he is constantly loving and gentle in the midst of pressure and strife and storm. Tenderness will draw you closer together when life gets rough. Mush will only last as long as the mood music does. One is a lovely treat. The other a marriage strengthener.
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