Because the fragile walls surrounding it are torn down, shattered, by the outpouring of happiness. My heart cannot hold it all. It honestly makes me teary. I do not deserve such blessings, but I am so thankful. I just don't have the words.
But in the silent stream, God has revealed to me an outlet. A way to channel my abundance. Prayer. Intercessory prayer. Something of which I have very little knowledge. And then my worship pastor handed me a book. "You're the reader. It's only fair I give you something to read when I give your husband homework." It's tiny and falling apart. It's from 1902. Before the oxford comma, in case you were curious. And it's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
And even though it wasn't talking about anything other than prayer (which has been a huge nudge from God) it point blank addressed the fact that I have not been forgiving people. "It is not enough that there is no bitterness. There has to be sympathy as well." And then I forgave them in a single breath. And it was gone. The weight was gone and I was free to pray. And my heart overflowed.
It's not just Anthem, though he is a very large part of it. Together we can be legacy makers for our family. God has entrusted us with that. Maybe some of you reading this won't get it because you've always had your parents but I cannot express the joy I have in being able to say my children will have a godly father. It's also that I've found a church family. I'll be joining FUMC Temple shortly. It's that God is giving me things to do in my down time. It's that He's giving me down time. It's that Anthem is so in love with me. It's that everything is going to be okay, no matter what. It's that my identity is not wrapped around how much money I make, but who I am in Christ. And I'm a princess. Loved. Cherished. Cared for. Provided for.
And as I'm just so darn happy, I've got to do more than sit here.
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