Life is full of things I can't control. Every day has more variables that are absolutely beyond my comprehension than there are grains of sand by the sea. Most of the time I try to not let this truth affect me too deeply. I don't always succeed.
When I was single, before I met Anthem, I used to worry about being cheated on. It would honestly keep me up at night. Because what if feelings faded, you know? What if there was a spark with someone else? What if - what if - what if - and of course who can control feelings fading? And who can control a spark?
Well... we can. All of us can. It's why I love Anthem and I's story so much. We chose to love each other. We choose to love each other. Some days its a hell of a lot easier than others. Some days it is as easy as falling. He's freaking amazing. And on very, very rare occasions we can't even speak to each other because the other is so foreign and unbelievable. But even when he makes no sense to me at all (and visa versa) there is not a thing in this world I wouldn't do for him. Because no matter how I feel, I know my vows. And he knows his. I trust that, implicitly.
Sometimes, this little voice will creep up inside me and whisper things like, "Wouldn't it be nice if it was more like the movies? If you couldn't even control it? If he could hardly stand how much he loved you, if you drove him wild?" And at first, I agreed with that little voice. But the more I thought about it, the more I saw the folly in that. The movies aren't real. They only have to last 90 minutes. My marriage will last for sixty years or more (God willing). Relationships aren't based on losing control, not marriages anyway. Relationships that are... don't last long. I knew a guy like that once. He bounced from woman to woman, being absolutely obsessed with them, and then as soon as his interest began to wane, he'd find another woman he was absolutely obsessed with - and the one he left behind would be absolutely crushed. He swore he couldn't control it.
But we all knew the truth. He had no desire to control it. It never was about the women, it was about him. It was about not being bored, about feeling a rush, about feeling power, about feeling invincible... but it was never about the women, and it had nothing to do with love.
Instead of demanding that our relationship be a roaring fire before we got married, we built a small one and swore to protect it, fan it, and build it for the rest of our lives. And it does, it grows daily. It's base is being built to support a roaring fire; we are not dousing it in gasoline to feel a short burst of heat. It will continue to grow, because we feed it.
And that's what choosing to love is about. Understanding that all great things take time. Including love. Knowing that great things take discipline. Which is why we take our vows so seriously. I cannot stress this enough: vows have absolutely nothing to do with feelings. No matter how I feel about Anthem, or how he feels about me, our vows remain. On them, we have begun to build the fire of our love.
That's what we needed. We needed a base and protection. Our marriage has flourished in the trust we have with each other. It's not the same for everyone. But please, please, know that love is a choice. Know that if you have chosen to love someone, if you have vowed, then no matter the 'spark' you feel with anyone else, you can control it. You can say no, walk away, and choose to pursue your chosen love. I imagine it would be easier to do that if you know in your heart that your love would do the same for you.
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