As we're all aware, I have a tendency to be ridiculously stubborn. I'm starting to understand that a little bit more, because it seems that's honestly how my brain works. Not that it's an excuse, it's not. It's just that my brain gets in these ruts and it takes quite a bit of time to break it out.
Example number one: I'm not a virgin anymore. We're all aware of that too. Married about 3 months ago, I'm happily deflowered. But my brain is just now starting to let that sink in. Not even kidding. Being a virgin was so deeply rooted as part of who I was - part of how I defined myself - that changing that took months. A month after I'd been married, had someone asked me if I was a virgin my first instinct would have been to say yes, regardless of the obviousness of the 'no' answer. It took time for my brain to rewire itself and redefine itself. Granted, virginity is a crappy way to define yourself period, but a 24 year old virgin is a unicorn these days and it's hard not to feel like it's a big deal, even if you're just terrified of STD's and those clingy hormones (which are totally real).
Example number two: Being pregnant is totally okay. Let me clarify just how much single culture is terrified of pregnancy. Especially single Christian culture. Being pregnant as a single woman who identifies as a Christian is such a big NEVER, EVER, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOUR LIFE IS OVER AND YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO NOT HAVE 'WHORE' COUGHED AT YOU AFTER THREE YEARS OF BEING VERY, VERY ASHAMED OF YOURSELF that I, a virgin, had it rooted deeply in my subconscious that getting pregnant is terrible, should be avoided at all costs, and that it would ruin everything. After three months of being married to a devoted, kind, loving, child wanting man, I have discovered that being pregnant would be awesome! Kids! Our kids! Our beloved, hell raising, kids! That sounds fucking fantastic. (Not kidding about the fucking part, you do know how babies are made right? See how I'm working the virgin thing in here too? Ha. I'm clever. And vulgar. It happens.) Seriously. Took me THREE MONTHS to stop worrying whether or not I was getting pregnant by having sex with my husband.
I was going to write this post about how changing the way your brain works takes time, but after really thinking about it, it just makes me really ashamed of Christian culture. Virginity shouldn't define anyone. In this culture, women especially are pressured into sex before they have any real concept of its consequences. I'm far more concerned about where someone's life is headed, where their heart is, where they are in their faith walk, than if they have had sex at some point in time in their life or not. I mean honestly. Especially considering the double standard for young Christian men and women. If a man isn't a virgin, 'Well, it happens.' If a woman isn't, she's a whore. Who do you think the young Christian men are having sex with, hmmm? Let me tell you, the world isn't full of Mrs. Robinson's.
And the deep rooted fear of pregnancy is born out of this same twisted fear of not being 'pure'. Jesus made us pure, without Him, virgin or not, we're all disgusting. And pregnancy is undeniable proof that you're not a virgin. No matter how many times you swear you got pregnant in the pool.
So... don't buy into all of it. Yes. I do believe that virginity is the way to go if you can choose that. But not being one isn't the end of the world, either. And it doesn't make anyone more or less pure. Purity is a heart thing, not a vagina thing.
Neither virginity nor pregnancy is something to define you. Motherhood might be. But being a Child of the Most High is. Period.
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