Day Three Hundred and Eighty - DIY Day

I woke up late today. Really, really late. I slept for 13 straight hours. Slept right through church. Didn't open my eyes to the world until 11:30. My internal clock told me it was 9:30. Clearly there was some miscommunication going on. 

But I didn't let it stop me. As most of you know, I got incredibly ill around the new year. The recovery has been slower than I could have possibly imagined. I've been back at work for a week and a half and Friday was the first day I felt completely back to normal. So this was the first weekend I felt normal. So instead of sitting on the couch for endless hours, I actually did stuff all day. And even though I got a late start, I managed to accomplish more today than I have in the past week. And it felt awesome. 

Here's my list:

1) DIY Facial. I did this today, and my skin feels like I spent hundreds of dollars at a spa. And I had all of the ingredients on hand so it cost me nothing. Seriously. Do it. It takes about 45 minutes to an hour. Worth every second. 

2) Homemade Breakfast Bars packed with protein and fiber. Here's the recipe (approximately: remember, I just wing stuff and hope for the best.) 

1/2 18oz Jar of Crunchy Peanut Butter

2 cups quick oats oatmeal

1 cup golden flax seed meal

1/2 cup honey

1/2 cup craisins

1/2 cup chia seeds

1 tsp vanilla

Mix together and press into buttered baking pan. The pan should be at least 1 inch deep. Press until it's about 1/2 inch thick. 

Blend two bananas, 1 6oz greek yogurt, and 1 cup frozen (or fresh) strawberries. Spoon over the bars and spread evenly. Cover the whole thing with wax paper and put in the freezer for at least 4 hours. 6 is better. Cut into individual bars (you decide how big you want them) and wrap them in wax paper and put them in the freezer. Take them out for a quick, on the go breakfast. 

So delicious. 

3) Rag Rolls. I love having curly hair. Love it. But I'm lazy. I cannot curl my hair with a curling iron. It takes forever. And it doesn't look natural. And it'll fall out before lunch. And did I mention it takes forever? However, there is another way. Take an old towel and cut it into strips. Make sure they're at least 9 inches long and 1/2 in thick. Take a shower. Wash you hair. When you get out, add mousse. Take small chunks (the more you'll do it, the more you'll learn what works best for your hair) and use the strips of towel like you would a curling iron or roller. Tie them into place. Apply hair spray. Go to sleep. When you wake up, remove them and TA-DA you have curly hair that will last all day. 

I think I'm going to try and do a DIY day every Sunday, or at least once a week. So if you try any of the things I post, let me know how they worked for you! Especially if you do something to make them better or easier. Share!

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Nine - Sing So Sweet

Daniella Mason.  If you have never heard of her, click on the link and give it a listen. Especially "Walk Beside Me". I'm fairly sure I'm going to walk down the aisle to that song. I love the lyrics. But what's more - I love how I feel when I sing that song. That's right. When I belt it out in my car. I like how her tone seems to resonate through me and changes me as it moves. I like how her voice never seems to strain but I can feel her heart crying and yet exulting in hope at the same time. I like how when I'm done I feel a little bit drained because I actually expressed myself, and I like how I feel a little energized because I actually expressed myself.

How do you express yourself? Words were always my thing, and they're still my primary mode of expression. But I like what I'm learning about singing. And how I feel when I do. I want to learn more, and try more, and sing all sorts of different things. There is something in a song that cannot be in words alone. There is something I cannot define but that is so heartbreakingly beautiful about it. Words. Singing. What else? How do you do it?

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Eight - Because It Matters

I'm proud of myself today. Today, I did something that should get done, even though it wasn't required to be done. On a Saturday none the less. Any sign that I'm getting less lazy is a great sign for me. Because somewhere between high school and now I got really, really lazy. And it feels good to break out of that. It feels good to do what I know is right, to do what is best instead of what is easiest. Because it matters. 

It really matters because what I do defines who I am. Especially when the only incentive is because I should. It's a change. It's a good start. But it's just that. A start. There's still so much to learn, so much to do. It's going to be a good year.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Seven - Hungry

Today is the first day since I got sick that I actually felt hunger. Not 'I know I should eat now because it's lunch time' but 'If I don't consume some food right freaking now there will be terrible consequences'. Which is good, it means that I'm finally getting back to normal. I was hungry for breakfast, hungry for lunch, and starving for supper. One step closer to normalcy.

It's a truth in my life. When I'm sick my appetite drops to almost nothing. It's also a truth in my spiritual and emotional lives. When they're sick, my hunger for life drops to almost nothing. I don't want to do anything. Not even play Zelda. Not crochet. Not write. Not create. Not even grocery shop.

But I'm finally starting to feel desire again, desire to really live. I think a lot of it is because I'm finally feeling better physically, but I know another part of it is just having the energy to process all that's been going on emotionally in the last few weeks. Which is awesome. Because I haven't felt like me, and I'm finally starting to again. Well enough to fight through everything and live the life that requires strength. Because life does. A real life, a life that you decide and don't let circumstances decide for you, takes a whole lot of strength.

I also know that part of it was plain anger. At myself. Don't get me wrong, I could rant about my generation for weeks. But I got fed up with my own excuses, of all the little things that stop me. My comfort is going to die because what I want to do, that makes me uncomfortable, is so much more important. I've had enough of my own excuses! I hope you are too. Because they are all that is standing between you and living the life you're hungry for.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Six - My Old Flame

I'm not entirely sure there are many things better in life than rediscovering an old love. Or being able to share it and see it all over again in someone else's eyes. That's what I got to do tonight. I got to share the wonder that is Warehouse 13 with my bestie and she's now hooked. It's glorious. I get to feel the magic all over again. I get to watch her fall in love with Pete and Micah and Artie and my beloved, beloved Claudia.

Maybe that's why sharing ourselves with others is so essential. Because we get to constantly rediscover our loves. We get to relive the magic over and over again. It's... wonderful. I wonder who she'll share it with. And I can't wait to watch more episodes with her.

Share what you love with who you love because... there isn't enough magic in the world and you should get to experience it all over again, and share it for the first time.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Five - Out of Sync

I love my jobs. I love my living situation, and the fact that it'll be changing in the next few months. I love my friends. I love my schedule. I love, love, love my schedule. And I haven't had my schedule for over two weeks. I'm slowly losing my mind. First, there was the holidays. Then I got sick. Now I'm struggling to find my rhythm at my new job. I've accepted, and the guys I work for (those awesome fellas) have accepted, that it'll be a few months before we get truly in sync. And I hate that. I hate not having my rhythm. I hate still getting over the flu because it's still affecting my work. I miss my second job. I miss my rhythm. I'm going to bed at 8pm. Which is better than last week. Last week it was 6pm. But it's just messing with me.

I need a rhythm. I can break it occasionally and stay up too late or do something I normally wouldn't but to not have one at all is just killing me.

And it's the new year, it's time for new schedules. I restarted my Bible reading plan because I finished the one for last year. I'm doing multiple ones this year because I don't want to lose my love of it and just reading chronologically isn't engaging me enough. I want to start working out too - but because of where I am physically - I just want to start with breathing and stretches. But I don't feel as if I can start anything when my life feels so incredibly chaotic. Yes, I'm aware, I have no idea what my poor theoretical children are going to have do deal with their neurotic mother. That being said. I just feel stuck.

But the only thing to do is push through. Is to find the rhythm. I'm not able to force the one I'd like to have right now. My body just won't do it. I'm not able to have the one I'd like - I have to work to find that one. So I'm just going to try and go with the flow. I hate that. But I'm going to grin and bear it because I guarantee there is something to be learned in being so far out of my comfort zone.

What's the last thing you learned by being out of your comfort zone?

Day Three Hundred and Seventy Four - The Rest Of My Life

All from day Three Hundred and Seventy Three being said... I feel incredibly free. Free to discover all sorts of things. Free to fall in love with a new book, a new series, a new style, a new verse, a new life. A new me. Or the same me, just... freer. And more aware of who I am and how awesome that girl really is. Well... how awesome that woman really is. 

That might seem conceited if you're new to the blog but it's actually a huge breakthrough. It's okay to like who you are. It's okay to love who you are. Don't worry. It doesn't feed into my pride. I know I'm still a sinner that relies entirely on grace and frankly does not understand why God loves me so much. But He still made me. And sin nature aside... And God in me accepted... I'm a catch. 

The real thing of it all is... regardless of love life, family, or friends... I have to spend the rest of my life with me. I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone I like. I have to be in my head all the time. And sometimes... I'm a big cry baby. Sometimes... I'm a victim when I shouldn't be. Sometimes... I think too much, wait too long, talk myself out of doing things I should and into doing things I shouldn't. Sometimes... I'm too lazy. But I'm working on those. Cause I have to live with me all the time. And I'm still young (despite feeling ancient some days) and still have everything in front of me. Literally. Everything. Every choice I make decides who I'm going to be tomorrow. And I've realized that. And when I remember that during the day, I genuinely try to actively form myself into who I want to be, and be true to who I already am. 

Everything is in front of you too. And your life is (mostly) the result of your choices. Embrace that. Embrace the power that you have to change your own life. Embrace the power to change who you are - or to embrace who you are instead of letting the world change it. Just... join me. In taking the power back. 

Because I don't have to deal with you for the rest of my life. Some of you... I sure as hell hope I get to. But you don't have to deal with me either. We just have to deal with ourselves. And we never get a break from being in our own heads. So... let's make it a more enjoyable place to be.