Today is the first day since I got sick that I actually felt hunger. Not 'I know I should eat now because it's lunch time' but 'If I don't consume some food right freaking now there will be terrible consequences'. Which is good, it means that I'm finally getting back to normal. I was hungry for breakfast, hungry for lunch, and starving for supper. One step closer to normalcy.
It's a truth in my life. When I'm sick my appetite drops to almost nothing. It's also a truth in my spiritual and emotional lives. When they're sick, my hunger for life drops to almost nothing. I don't want to do anything. Not even play Zelda. Not crochet. Not write. Not create. Not even grocery shop.
But I'm finally starting to feel desire again, desire to really live. I think a lot of it is because I'm finally feeling better physically, but I know another part of it is just having the energy to process all that's been going on emotionally in the last few weeks. Which is awesome. Because I haven't felt like me, and I'm finally starting to again. Well enough to fight through everything and live the life that requires strength. Because life does. A real life, a life that you decide and don't let circumstances decide for you, takes a whole lot of strength.
I also know that part of it was plain anger. At myself. Don't get me wrong, I could rant about my generation for weeks. But I got fed up with my own excuses, of all the little things that stop me. My comfort is going to die because what I want to do, that makes me uncomfortable, is so much more important. I've had enough of my own excuses! I hope you are too. Because they are all that is standing between you and living the life you're hungry for.
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