Yesterday, I read a post that included the following phrase, "I thank God, Who sent me a husband, my knight in shining armor, to save me..." I shuddered, and thanked God that He was the only one saving me in my life. The very thought repulsed me. No. I don't want, nor need, someone to save me. I want a battle buddy, someone whose going to be down in the trenches with me. Someone who won't give up when life gets rough. Someone to watch my back while I am watching his. A partner, not a savior.
And then, as I was chatting with a coworker today, she shed new light on it. "Can you imagine the pressure?" She asked. "How could any marriage survive that?" She has a solid point. I can't imagine the pressure. The pressure of being the savior of another human being. That constant need to preform. And then... I thought about it more. I couldn't imagine doing that to another person. To say to the man I loved, "You know what? I'm not strong enough to be equal with you. I am putting my emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being on your shoulders. Oh. And the success of our relationship. That's on you too."
I know not everyone sees things the same as I do, but ladies - I would encourage you not to put your future spouse on a pedestal. He is not going to save you from your life. He's just going to complicate it more. He's going to take your time, he's going to change your carefully constructed schedules and habits, and he's going to be so incredibly worth it. But he isn't going to save you. And you thinking he is, or him thinking he is, is only going to cause massive amounts of disappointment.
Because in my (granted, limited) experience there is only 2 reasons anyone wants the 'knight in shining armor' thing to happen. 1) Because he is so insecure he needs to save someone to justify his worth. 2) She is so insecure she needs to gain her worth by being worth saving.
Now maybe it's just me, but neither option sounds like something you want to build a lifetime on. Yea... I'm sticking with my battle buddy. He's not perfect, but neither am I. But he has enough confidence to want to share his life with me, and I have the same. And being equals (albeit with different roles) takes the pressure off both of us, and allows us to continue to learn, grow, and share our experiences with each other.
Because in the end, the only thing we're expecting each other to be is... ourselves.
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