So... I'm not much of a cuddle-er it turns out. Especially not at night when I'm sleeping. It was getting to the point that I'd be all the way to the edge of the bed by the time we woke up. And it made Anthem really sad. I told him I didn't even know if I could change it, it was a subconscious thing that happened while I was asleep. But I was determined to try.
So as I lay in bed, falling asleep, I just kept thinking to myself Anthem is not concerned I'll wake him if I snuggle up to him. He's concerned when he wakes up and I'm on the other side of the bed trying not to wake him. Well then. Here goes. And what do you know but that we made progress.
In the end, my assumption of his priorities (not getting woken up vs. feeling his wife's arms around him) was not helping. It was just a little thing, but I should have asked. Especially considering that as much as I hate it when other people wake me up, waking up because my husband wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close does not bother me in the least. Its comforting, even if my body has to learn how to sleep through it.
But more important was my assumption that because something was sub conscious, I couldn't change it. I could, I just needed to change my conscious priorities. May it's the same way with the trust. If I just keep reminding my conscious mind that Anthem is not like the other guys in my experience who claimed to be trustworthy but weren't, the next time he asks me to do something that I would naturally balk at, I'll instead respond with trust... well that would make me pretty happy.
Now if only I could somehow apply this to faith... oh that's right. I already did.
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