I got some amazing advice this weekend. I didn't really like hearing it at the time, in fact at first I thought it was a joke. But no... it was some really good advice.
Everything I do, other than Tuesday nights, has a purpose. In this 'down time' of being single, I've devoted myself to trying to become the best version of me that I could be. I learned how to cook, how to maintain a house (okay, I'm still working on this), trying to find a big girl job and take care of myself, trying to be the best friend I can be, trying to be the best Christian I can be, etc. I try to pour myself out for others, because I love them and want to serve them.
I was talking to my buddy Bruce about all of this, about how I really wasn't wasting my time while I was single. I wanted him to understand, I know how precious this time is and that I wasn't wasting any of it. I... I didn't want him to think I wasn't working hard, that I was wasting precious time. A pit formed in my stomach as I saw his eyebrows knit together in concern. I sighed internally, I knew what he was going to say. I should be working harder. I should be learning more. I should be further along in my Christian walk by now. I tried to stop him from saying it. I knew it was the truth, but I just couldn't listen to him say it. It would defeat me too much. And then he surprised me.
"What do you do for you?" He asked. "Just for fun."
I was rather taken aback. "Um... I write terrible fiction sometimes. That's entertaining. I play Zelda but feel bad when I do because there are other things I really ought to be doing instead."
"No," He said, "There aren't. Look at you. You're exhausted and empty. You're pushing yourself so much harder than anyone else. Honestly, Val, my counsel to you is this - find something that has no purpose but that you enjoy and do it 5-7 hours a week. You have to give yourself a break. God made this world full of wonderful things. It doesn't have to be edifying in order to be good. Enjoy."
And while it took me a while to process that... I realized how incredibly right he is. I'm not doing anyone any good by being constantly near empty. And it's wrong on my part to not love myself the way God does. From the beginning, God designed us to take time off from work, to just enjoy what we've been given, to simply delight. And I really need to do that.
And I know a few other people that need to too. So if you're one of those people, and let's face it, we know who we are, then realize I am sharing this so that you'll take a break too. I hate to see you so low on energy and joy. Do something that is just for you and don't feel a moment's guilt about it.
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