Day One Hundred And Sixty One - Providence and Responsibility

Let's start off today by being very honest with each other okay? So here's the truth. I'm an idiot, and so are you. And you need to stop blaming the consequences of your idiocy on God's sovereignty. Being a Christian does not mean that God will remove or make pleasant the consequences of your idiocy. Being a Christian gives you the best opportunity to do less stupid things that have nasty consequences. 

I'll give myself as an example. Today, I am exhausted. I woke up at 7:45 am to look at my phone and feel utter elation. I have at least another hour I could sleep. I snuggled my head back into the pillow and joyously returned to my utterly bizarre dream. (I'm not going into details, let's just suffice it to say that in the dream I apologized for being a racist.) I woke again, and looked at my clock. 7:48 am. 7:51. 7:58. 8:01. 8:07. 8:11. 8:15. 8:17. 8:21. 8:23. And on it went until 9 when I just drug myself out of bed because it was pointless. Struggling to wake, I made coffee. By the time I poured my first cup, the manic energy that has been my companion the past 3 days had kicked in. It's all I could do to sit still and try and concentrate on the paperwork I was supposed to be doing. By the time my 2nd job rolled around, the manic energy had finally ebbed out. I got through the shift rather pleasantly all the same, and got home by 10. As you may have noticed, it's later than that. Because exhausted or not, I can't sleep. 

Because manic energy and inability to sleep well are consequences of nicotine withdrawl. And nicotine withdrawl is a consequence of having significant amounts of it in my system to begin with. And God doesn't remove the symptoms of my idiocy. But He is kind to me as I attempt to correct my idiocy. Tonight, for instance. It's going to be a while before I can sleep, but I do have a full box of cinnamon apple tea and enough honey. And that makes being awake more pleasant. Or finding a can of tuna and having garlic and herb mayo and townhouse crackers. That was pretty excellent as well. 

Let me restate this for clarity - it is NOT God's fault that I can't sleep and have to deal with manic energy. It is my fault. It is NOT His sovereignty that graced me with this burden this week, I did that to myself. It is not His to take away because God doesn't remove consequences. That's bad parenting. Stop asking Him to be a bad parent. He will continue to say 'no'. So next time God says 'no' to a particular plea of yours, ask yourself, "Am I asking Him to be a bad parent because it would make my life more convenient?' If you answer yes to that question, then God's answer wasn't 'no' it was 'HELL NO'. 

And for the love of all that is good and sugary, PLEASE stop looking for the lesson in everything. Sometimes, the only lesson is that you're an idiot. And that maybe you should stop being one. There is no lesson in nicotine withdrawl. Sure, it can teach me how strong my will is, it can serve as a reminder to never be a slave to any drug (save caffeine) again, blah blah blah. I find it difficult to pat myself on the back for ceasing to be an idiot in this very small area of my life. Because that's all this hellish week is. It's a consequence of my idiocy. 

So... Thanks God. For being a good Dad and not taking away the consequences of my idiocy so I can see and understand how much of an idiot I am and surrender more of my life to You because You're not an idiot. Thank You for being gracious to me even in the consequences, Your kindness is overwhelming. The lightning show last night was especially lovely. .