Here's the thing about living in the Rabbit Hole that really makes it so incredibly Alice in Wonderland - esque: reality is relative. Don't get me wrong, I think the whole, "Just because something is true for you doesn't make it true for me" argument is a bullshit cop out to avoid acknowledgement that we do not set the rules for our own life and death, and if we don't, then there must be someone greater than us that does set the rules. That is not what I am talking about. *sigh* And just how will I explain the crazy today?
Perhaps it's better stated that things are almost never as they seem, and things that would seem rational to me are absurd, and things that would seem absurd to me are completely rational. Just... just try and stay with me on this. For the past few weeks, my eyes have been turned heavenward for direction. My feet have been moving, but my eyes have not been on the road or the destination, my eyes have been lost in those of my Guide. (See what I did there? Capitalized Guide to indicate it was God. I know. I'm clever.) Today, for some reason (my guess is the brat), my eyes took a downward turn to look at the road in front of me and were rather surprised to find what very much looked like a solid wall in my path. Made of brick. And steel. I walked up to it, and took a closer look. Yup. Brick and steel and mortar. I looked to my left, the wall stretched as far as I could see. I looked to my right. Same thing. I looked up, it was too tall to climb. I looked up again, "God, if you want me to continue, I'm gonna need a grappling hook, or a door of some sort."
And this, dear reader, is where I'm going to need you to give my analogy a little leeway in the sense making dept. And this, dear reader, is the part where God looked at me as if I was a little special in the head and said in reply, "No, my dear, you don't. Feel free to continue walking forward at any time."
"But God," I said, wondering exactly where the miscommication was in all this, "There is this wall. Last time I checked, I cannot walk through walls. Now ones made of brick and steel and mortar. Now, if I had a door, I could go through that. Or if I had some sort of grappling hook, perhaps like the one Batman has so handy all the time, then I could climb over it and continue on my way."
And then, then my dear friends, He laughed at me. "Wall? Is that what you see? A solid wall? Well, little one, despite what you may see, I assure you, there is no wall. Now keep walking."
I looked at God. I looked at the wall. I looked back and God, and back at the wall. Despite what He said, I still saw a wall. "Just keep walking. Ignore the wall. Pretend the wall isn't there. Walk through the wall. That's what You're telling me."
"I'm telling you there is no wall. Beloved, you're not seeing clearly. You see a wall. I see an opportunity to display My glory and bring you joy by showing you that when you walk with Me, nothing can stop My will. There is no wall because I am not hindered by what you see, and it is I that move you. Rely on My sight, and not on your own."
Let me tell you, my brain struggled with that one for a bit. I took a deep breath, and prepared myself for a bruised forehead for when I bounced off the wall, but closed my eyes, tried to see what He was telling me was the truth, and ran through the wall. Like it was not even there. Let me tell you, it was incredibly disorienting. To realize that what I was seeing wasn't in fact reality left me feeling incredibly off balance. I spent the rest of the day trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I mean, if there really was no wall, what else am I seeing that isn't there? Or worse, what is there that I'm not seeing? How can I continue to walk if my eyes cannot be trusted?
"Hush, hush, little one," God said to my heart, "It is good that you are beginning to realize that your sight and Mine are not the same. It is good that you realize that My sight is the better by far. For My sight is always available to you, you need only ask and I will show you what I see."
I knew He was right, but it was still a big pill to swallow. It left me feeling uncomfortable, vulnerable, and confused. In running through what very much looked like a solid wall, I had lost my peace. The situation, while beneficial, had left me shaken. I struggled all day to get my peace back, to find the comfort in the Rabbit Hole that I had had only a few hours earlier. I praised for hours today, and it very much helped, but my peace wasn't complete. But to my incredibly surprise (and most likely another separate blog post) it wasn't until I did my nightly Bible reading that I regained my peace and comfort. The moment I opened the book a wave of contentment rolled over me, and I once again felt as if I was curled into my Father's arms rather than adrift at sea.
And now, safely curled in my Daddy's arms, and knowing I have a full night of sleep between myself and the challenges of tomorrow, I find myself more and more excited by the idea that my sight is not to be trusted. If I can indeed have His sight, true sight, at any time that I ask for it, what all might I find that I have been missing? What glorious things are there for me to see? What hidden treasures are there to be found? I couldn't tell you, but I'm excited to find out.
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