Day Forty - Hypocrisy and Fire

Also known as to say one thing and do another. And if there is one universal truth in the world, it's that we all hate hypocrites. Unfortunately for me, I am one. A friend called me out on it today. It was hard. I don't really have a poker face, and it wasn't easy for me to listen. Because he was right. I said one thing and did another. And it's not like it was an isolated incident. I've been doing it for years.

There is no excuse for hypocrisy. I knew what I did went against what I said I believed. I knew it in my head, but it didn't truly convict me. It was in my head, but not in my heart. I knew it, but felt nothing. It inspired no passion. Which is why it was so easy to ignore when push came to shove.

But the amazing thing is that yesterday, and today, the Holy Spirit has been quietly working at a rather insane rate. Yesterday He lit a match and today the fire raged. It burned away all of my bullshit. All of the excuses. All of the guilt. All of the passions that raged to ash and left me cold. All of them were laid bare. I had no defense. But there was no condemnation, no judgement. There was forgiveness; there was calling.

The fire did not stop when there was no bullshit left, or guilt to consume, or excuses to destroy. It raged only brighter. It warmed me. It beckoned me. This was a passion that would never burn out, or be exhausted. This passion would never leave me cold or alone. This passion could consume me whole, and in it I would find excessive amounts of joy and fulfillment and peace and love and truth and beauty. I was made for this fire. Before I was born, I was made for this fire. Every step has led me to this fire. As the knowledge rained down from my head to my heart, it took root and began to burn. And I knew with every fiber of my being, I was made for this fire. It and I are a perfect fit. And it wants me. And I realized, as the heat in my chest grew, that I wanted it more than anything. There is no looking back. There is no yesterday. There is only the fire. It wants all of me and I want all of it.

I don't entirely understand what I am about to say next, only that I know its true and sounds entirely too manga for my comfort. But I didn't choose the fire. The fire chose me.  He chose me. And now my heart is filled to bursting (and my eyes with grateful tears) with the knowledge that we will never have to part. We will be together forever, God and I. And the passion, the fire, will never dim but grow brighter as the years stretch on, and give more than I could ever dream. And the passion, the fire, will change me as it rages ever brighter, burning away the chaff and refining the gold to make me ever more like my truest Love.

And that is where the words run out.