I've learned through the past three years to always be ready to let go of people I love. To not hold them too tightly or too close, to let them go if they choose without being completely devastated. I lived through that pain once and never really intend on trying to a second time. Sometimes I wonder if it's not time to stop guarding myself so closely, but then it happens all over again and I remember why it's a rather essential way for me to love right now.
Let me explain. When I love, I love with everything I've got. When I love you and you feel pain, I feel pain. And when you continually walk yourself into pain, it gets to be a little much. So I ask that you stop, and when you don't, I tend to yell at you. Because I care about both of us going through pain so unnecessarily. This has a tendency to make people stop talking to me. But then I really only have two options: to back down (which rarely happens because I'm usually right and my advice is solid) or to let you walk away. It's not that I'd rather be right, it's that I can't, in good conscience, endorse the choices that continue to hurt you.
Walk away. Take your time. Come back when you're ready, if you ever want to. My love for you will have neither changed nor faded. My love for you will remain constant. I don't expect the same to be true for you but I can hope. Feel free to test it. Others have. Some have come back after years, and my arms were open.
Just know that when I'm asked why I'm so guarded and cautious, that this is why. Because it's either this, or stop loving people the way I do. And I can't do that. I've always loved like this and I always will. And appreciate the people who love me like I love them the most.
Just remember. I love you. I yelled out of love, not to hurt you, but to try and pull your hand from the fire. I will always love you and my arms will always be open and longing for your return.
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