Day Twenty Four - Men, It's Your Mouth

Dear Men everywhere,

There is something I feel the need to explain to you. The sexiest part of you is your mouth. Not the shape of your lips or the taste of your tongue (though no one likes halitosis) but rather what comes out of it. Despite popular belief, an asshole is not attractive, he is merely more readily able and willing to play off of feminine stereotypes and desires more easily than his goodnatured counterparts.

I know that I'm an odd duck this way, but the sexiest thing I've heard a man say all year is, "How is your relationship with Jesus?" If I didn't see the man as my little brother, I'd have probably kissed him right then and there. Yes, gentlemen, that is what really makes my eyes glaze over and my knees weak. Granted, my desire for Jesus loving men is perhaps unique, but any decent female favors intelligence and kindness. If she doesn't, don't bitch to us good ones about how she wasn't worth your time. Stop getting distracted by large breasts, and take a moment to listen what is coming out of our mouth. It's your own damn fault, isn't it?

Would you like to know the second sexiest thing I've heard in a year? "Anthropomorphize". He knew what the word meant, and used it properly. My brain just stopped for a second as it flooded with pleasure. A man. With a brain. Who liked to exercise it. Who valued knowledge. Dear Lord, if that isn't the second sexiest thing in the world, I have no idea what is.

Honestly, men, look around at your fellow men. Look at what we have to deal with on a daily basis. Not only men who spew uselessness and vulgarity from their lips, but who aren't willing to even listen to what comes out of ours but judge us by cup size and the tightness of our jeans. Say a kind word, an intelligent word, flex your brain instead of your bicep, and I think you'll be shocked at the sort of women you attract. They may have a smaller cup size and don't wear jeans that appear glued to their hips, but their personalities are deeper than a shower.

But hey, if you're looking for shallow and sexy (though how you stand the thought of being one in a long line of casual sexual encounters is beyond me because well, if she's sleeping with you, is there anyone she won't say no to?) knock yourself out. But leave the good ones to the men worth their time. 

If you're not, speak goodness and intelligence. The good ones will find you. There is no doubt about that.

I know this seems a bit preachy, and I apologize for that. I just wanted to let the good men out there know that I hear what they're saying, and I appreciate it. And so will others. Please don't change because you see the assholes getting the good girls. Assholes ruin good girls. Get up the courage, and get to us first.

Sincerely,
    Me.