Facts about me: I'm twenty-three. I'm single. I have been single for three years. The first two and a half years were because I just wasn't ready. (The past six months just can be attributed to the fact that I'm really, really picky about men.) Mostly, I just had a lot of growing up to do. And now that I look back, I'm glad I was single, however much I whined about it at the time. I can't imagine trying to figure myself out being so involved with someone else. I don't know how anyone does it. I thought I was ready to be a wife when I was eighteen and dating my first boyfriend. (Stop judging, I was a super late bloomer). I was naive. I didn't know who I was, or who I really wanted to be, let alone what I wanted out of life. Neither did he. Every time he crosses my mind, I thank God that he broke up with me, and that I didn't take him back. I don't think, even then, that I would have gone through with it and married him. But I can tell you, without a doubt, that I was stupid enough to stay in a relationship I knew I was doomed.
And that's sort of the point of today's post. Not that I think I'm suddenly ready to be a wife. I'm not. And I know that. And I know we're not all the same, but when I see people who are trying to paint this picture of a perfect relationship, it makes me wince. I remember doing that. We pretended, even with each other, that we were happy when neither one of us really was. But we broke up. And now I see the people around me getting engaged instead. Vows aren't going to make him any less promiscuous. Vows aren't going to make her any less bitchy. Marriage vows don't change the person you're marrying, they just change the timeline and housing situation.
What I can't figure out is why everyone seems to be in such a rush. Yea. I'm twenty-three. I'm single. Despite my brother's claims that his children will never have cousins, I don't think I've quite hit that 'desperate old maid' stage yet. Next year, or five years from now, or even ten - of all the things in life that I've rushed, my marriage isn't going to be one of them. Singleness isn't a curse, it's a rare time in your life that shouldn't be squandered, but spent wisely. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to me if I hadn't had the last three years to myself. No, I'm still not ready to be a wife. But I am wise enough to admit that to myself. And wise enough to walk away from relationships that have no chance before they start, so as not to hurt anyone unnecessarily. And wise enough to hold onto the people in my life that I never want to live without.
So, if you want to get married at twenty-three, or younger, then I'm not going to stop you. A good friend of mine got married at 18, and it was the best thing for her. But she was a lot more mature than I was at that age. She still is. And she's still blissfully married, expecting her first baby here any day. My brother was married at twenty-one, and ten years later, he and his wife are both very happy and committed. One of my best friends was married at my age and is now expecting their third child and are sort of disgusting still in love. I have a couple friends though, that are single at twenty-three because their divorce just became final. And they'd tell you the same thing I am: chill the fuck out and make sure you know what you're doing. Hormones, love, and wishful thinking are all very different things. Make sure you know which one is motivating your marriage, because two out of the three will fade really quickly after the honeymoon.
No comments:
Post a Comment