The real world is far more muddled than people said. Or, maybe they told us but we didn't listen. All I know is all that "knowledge" we spent years of learning is fairly useless in the real world. In fact, the higher you go in education, the more education you are required to unlearn.
I don't recall ever being taught that even good choices have consequences that will hurt. In fact, some good choices have painful consequences that will last a lifetime. I chose to leave my little town in Iowa to go to college in NY. I fell in love with the people of NY and a struggling city. After four years, I made a choice to move back home. I knew the choice I had made was the right one. Yet, every day my heart hurts from the choice I made. I left a home to go to a home. No matter where I am, something/someone is always left behind and sorely missed. Even if I went back tomorrow, that home would not be the same.
I don't recall anyone ever telling me how difficult graduating college would be. Sure, they may have said the real world is difficult. No one excuses late work in an actual job. Bills will constantly demand more of you than you have to give. Daily life is exhausting and tedious. I remember all of those words of wisdom. Still, I don't recall anyone saying you will feel alone in the world after so many years of constant companionship. I don't remember them saying the in-between years are the years you feel lost. You are no longer a child and you are expected to be an adult, all while feeling somewhere in-between.
Pieces of my life are finally fitting together. I found several kindred spirits in Iowa. I even found the love of my life here. I thought I found my big-girl job. Turns out, I need to find a better big-girl job.
Despite the pieces that fit, so many more just don't. Where is real faith, full of questions and passion? How do you live in a culture that you now despise? How do you hold onto friends living over 1,000 miles away?
A professor once told me, questions of life are not to be answered right away. Questions of life must be lived out until they become new questions. She was right. I know she was right. What I need to know... how do you live a question?
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