You will never be my only love. I had hoped, when I was younger, that you would be. That there would be only one. But it's just not possible. You will, however, be the one I choose to love forever. And that will have to be enough.
The others will never fully go away because my experiences with them made me who I am today, and I really like that person. Denying their existence would be to deny the lessons I learned, and I can't do that. Don't be threatened by them, be grateful for them.
Garret taught me to date men, not boys. Sammy (though we were only just friends, I have to count him as a love because I did fall in love with him at the end) taught me more about my faith, and living in community, and how to really love people than anyone ever had. Phil, in his own way, taught me about love and friendship and loyalty and devotion. He taught me to think for myself, and to not do something just because it was expected of me, but to figure out who I was, and be that person wholly. And James... James taught me about passion, about embracing life, about doing what you love. James taught me that I can have big dreams, and that if I just embrace myself, I am radiant. James taught me to always try new things, and to always take the chance to express myself rather than keeping it bottled up in fear.
I will always love each and every one of them. But you, whoever you are, I will choose you. You will be my future, but I will not deny their parts in my past.
And now... now I'm to the point where I hope I'm not your only. That's a whole lot of pressure. Because my past, and those I love, have taught me all sorts of things about myself, and about what I cherish, what I need, what I want, and what I will not tolerate in others. Without learning those things, I'd never be able to appreciate you the way I should. I'd never know what I ought to stay away from, or what I ought to just have patience with.
All I ask is that we choose each other. I am incapable of not loving those whom I once loved. My love for them will change, and I will not be in love with them forever, but I will always love them. I will never ask you to stop loving those from your past, only to choose me for your present and your future.
You will never be my only. But you will be my always.
Sincerely,
I don't know why I love so differently, but I hope you can appreciate that about me.
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