But I'm not waiting anymore. As soon as a Laney puppy becomes available (and my work schedule allows) I will have my very own dog. As soon as the circus is in town and a friend is willing to go, I'm going to that too. (No one wants to go to the circus alone.) As soon as I can afford my own place (or rent with a friend) then I'm doing that too. Because waiting is only holding me back from things I want to learn about myself, and the person I want to be. I can still share them later. I'm not possessive of my things or my experiences. In fact, the more I love them, the more I want to share them.
And I don't care if doing all of those things makes me an intimidating woman. I don't care if being self sufficient scares a man away. If it does, he wasn't the right one.
I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that I don't care if I get married or not. Of course I care. I want to be a wife and mother more than I have the words to express. But right now... I'm not looking. Right now, it's time for me to fully become me. And that means a dog, an apartment, the circus, and maybe even an herb garden. Or some local missional work with my HLM. Or whatever I want.
I've always been sort of afraid of being a strong woman. But no more. I can do this all on my own (with the help of God and friends) and I don't need a man. I just want one because I've got a lot of love to give and I would really like to share this life with someone and have kids someday. And I don't want a guy that needs me, but that appreciates me and wants me because of exactly who I am.
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