Yes, my heart hurts. It's a dull ache most of the time. Something I had set my heart on... someone, really... and it didn't work like I wanted it to. It wasn't forever. But it was still good.
I am thankful. For all that I learned. About myself. About people who are different from me. About the world and life in general. I am so incredibly thankful.
I'm also exhausted. And longing. And hurting. But I'm not going to focus on those things. I'm going to focus on how good my God is. On how much He loves me. On this time He has given me to simply love on me, and for me to pursue my callings, and for me to learn about myself and how He made me, and to learn about Him. I turn my heart to worship, to praise, to being thankful. Because the essentials have not changed. He has still saved me from all of my fears, He has still poured out His mercy on me and turned me from an enemy to a daughter. He is still leading me deeper and deeper into a life full of Him, into a life more fulfilled. He has given me more than I could have ever asked for.
The more I focus on those things, the less exhausted I am. The less my longing hurts due to not being fulfilled, because He is fulfilling it, in His own time. The less I hurt because He is the great healer, and my greatest comforter.
It's not that I'm denying my need to express and feel the emotions of grief and hurt, but I'm refused to dwell on them or magnify them. Instead, I dwell on the goodness of God and express my need to worship Him and cling to Him and thank Him for all that He has done and thank Him for all that He will do. And when I do that, everything else falls into perspective. And my heart feels the peace it longs for.
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