Day Eighty Eight - There Is Never A Reason To Wait

There are some things in life that I've always wanted to do, and today, on the second anniversary of my father's death, I will no longer wait to do them. I'm going to dye the tips of my hair green. Because I want to. Because I've always wanted to and never have. Because there was always going to be a better time. But there is no better time. The only time is now. 

All the silly things I've always wanted to do, dye my hair a ridiculous color, work at a store just for the employee discount, go to an apple orchard in the fall, dare to think of a life in which I don't live with my mother and want to decorate my own home, learn how to express my femininity the way I desire and not the way advertising tells me to, wear things that might make people look at me like I'm a deranged kindergartener. I'm so tired of caring what anyone thinks. It took me years to be comfortable in my own skin. But now is not the time for comfortable. Now is the time for more learning. How do I want to live my life? And then, of course, go and do it. 

Which ties neatly into the other thing on my mind. The prayer that this world continue to dim. How many times have I been stopped from doing something because of social convention, how many times have I cared what other people think? Let all of that dim, let my eyes be set only to the heavens. Let me life be lived upward, may His hand alone lead me forward. Let it all become dim. Because none of it matters. 

And let me not become preachy or haughty. I am so far from all that I want, so far from where my heart is led. I fight the brat all the time and lose more often than I'd like to admit. But there were certain things I was promised, and those are things I cling to. Not any gifts of the future. No, only that He will not give up on me, and will complete His work. That promise is the most precious.