Day One Hundred And Fifty Eight - Flooding Relief

That's how I feel right now. Flooded with relief. Because I feel the weight lifting off of me. Things I have fought so hard for so long... I finally have an excuse to stop. Have you ever wanted to stop doing something but couldn't seem to? I have a few of those. And the struggle is exhausting. Paul had it right, I do not do the things I wish to do, I do the things I do not want to do. And then change comes, grace I truly believe, to help stay the hand that you cannot. 

After a day full of nothing but eating and watching Dexter, I am replete. Life got paused today enough to be sorted. I know the things I do not want to do, and the things I do. And knowing is half the battle. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new me will grace it. It's the start of a new year for me. 

And all that comes is flooding relief, wrapped in the knowledge that things never stop changing. We never stop growing. So long as we're breathing, each moment will be different from the next. This too will pass. Now would be nice. But the change never ceases no matter how stuck we feel. And that is a relief. A massive, massive relief. 

For a girl who usually is frightened by change, this level of not only embracing it, but needing it, breathing it, being relieved and soothed by its very presence is... well it's new. And proof. We never stop changing.