Day One Hundred and Thirty Two - Well Shit

I have no idea how to handle this situation. At all. I'm at a complete and total loss. 

So what do I do? Well, at this point: nothing. For at least 24 hours I'm going to 'do' absolutely nothing. Except pray. About what to do. And then praising because even though I may be at a loss, God is less than shocked at this turn of events. He knew all along. He's got a plan. And I trust Him. After 24 hours, or frankly, the next time I get some time, I'm going to ask a trusted friend what he thinks I ought to do. He's better at this stuff than I am, and I need his advice. I trust it, more than I trust my own instincts. 

But during this time of prayer, I've also realized a few things. Well, not realized, but have begun to think about things in a new way.  Most of it is still ruminating wordlessly.  But some of it... For instance. A long time ago, I remember hearing Mark Driscoll say that who you think God is is the most important question you can ever answer. Only today did the truth of that REALLY sink it. Who God is to you affects everything about you, your life, your theology, your friendships, everything. I think now that part of me knew that, and part of me has subconsciously been using that more than anything else to determine who I trust. 

For instance, Honky. Honky went a little nuts a few years ago, and I miss who he used to be. But during this whole time where his life, his walk, who he was, got a little wonky, I never stopped trusting him. Because his knowledge of who God is didn't change even one little bit. 

And part of that was definitely the knowledge that God is bigger than us. Honky has definitely had his selfish moments, like all of us, but not once has his knowledge that God was much, much bigger than him and his situation. He never really lost sight of the bigger picture. There are no words for how much I respect him for that. 

And that's something... that I really love about my God. He doesn't ask us to guess or speculate. He tells us who He is, over and over and over. He reveals to us His character, over and over. His steadfast love, His holiness, His majesty, His kindness, His patience, His righteousness, His justice, the list goes on. He reveals Himself to us. Thank you, Holy Trinity, for the amazing gift of knowledge of Yourself. 

And God, with trembling, for today... today I saw the consequences of losing sight of who You are and narrowing my focus to myself, to my world, to my life, rather than everything that You are, and Your world... I ask, I beg, I plead, please let me never lose sight of You. Please, keep me close, by Your side. Keep Your arm around me, and pull me in close. Turn my eyes to look at You only. Don't let me go, don't let me lose sight of You.