That's it. That's all there is to it. I am a cutter. I haven't cut in 2 1/2 years, but I am a cutter none the less. It's something I struggle with. Not all the time. But sometimes, the desire to cut comes back incredibly strongly. And I fight it with every fiber of my being. It's exhausting, fighting. Sometimes I can get through the desire fairly easily, and brush it off. Sometimes, it takes everything I have. Today is one of the latter.
What I never have found, until today, was someone who really got it. Someone that I could genuinely talk to about it, and who understood. Someone who got the crazy, warped-ness of cutting. And that... that was amazing. I didn't feel nearly as crazy as I usually do. I've shared this with my friends in the past, and they have been truly wonderful and supportive, but to talk to someone who didn't look at me like I was crazy, who looked me in the eye and got it was incredibly freeing. Because suddenly, I wasn't so alone in my fight. There was someone with years of experience fighting personal demons giving me a lesson in how to win. In how to continue to beat this.
So... I don't have any expectations for this post. I'm just being honest with you, and with myself, and don't think it's helping anyone to hide this. If you struggle with cutting, or any manifestation of personal punishment, please feel free to call or e-mail or text or anything. It's a lot easier when you don't feel so alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment