A friendship goes two ways. One does not simple give, nor does one simply take. A friendship is a tapestry of encounters. Sometimes one is strong, sometimes the other. Sometimes we give and sometimes we take. Sometimes we're strong, sometimes we rely on the strength of the other. And each friendship is unique, there is no cookie cutter for it. There is no one way that a friendship ought to be.
But one thing that is a universal truth of any real friendship: weakness is never to be exploited.
Last night I got a text at 1:45am from a dear friend asking for a ride home. I have never, ever seen him that drunk. He was so handsy it was making me laugh. I trust him completely, so I was less than threatened by his playful, yet annoying, grabbing. My response was exactly what it ought to have been. I wasn't offended, I was playful (no one likes a buzz kill for a DD), and I was fully aware that taking care of him meant more than getting him home safe. It meant being the friend to him that I've always been, it meant knowing him, loving him deeper than his drunk exterior. It meant not taking advantage of his lowered inhibitions. It meant knowing my own weaknesses well enough to know that as soon as he was home, safe, that it was time for me to leave.
And that's why I totally understood the text that I got from him that said, "Thank you for leaving." I knew exactly what he meant. And I know that if the situation had been reversed, I'd want him to do the same thing for me. Because sometimes... rarely, but sometimes... the best way to be a friend is to leave.
Before I went and picked him up I had been in a rather intense argument with a close, beloved friend. I struggle with being a good friend to her, not from lack of love, but from lack of knowledge. I don't know how to handle it. I love her, and always will, but don't know who she is right now. It's... horrible and painful... watching her turn into her abuser. Watching her lash out at the people who truly love her rather than just talking things through. So... often times... rather than just constantly fight, or even politely argue, I've chosen distance instead. Because my words have ceased to have meaning. When you repeat the same concerns over and over again and they go ignored, the words have become meaningless. When my love is rebuffed and questioned over and over again, my words of love become just as meaningless. I've lost my voice. Communication has ceased to be effective. So... a step back is all I can think of. There is a lot left to be lost, but a voice can be regained. If it's rested. It's not a step out of the relationship, it's the opposite.
Leaving last night was a sign of my deep love and respect for that friend, and that friendship. Stepping out for a moment is the same thing to me, a sign of my deep love and respect for that friend, and friendship. We both need to regain our voices, and leave it in God's hands. Until it is time to speak again. Not if. But when. I didn't leave either friend forever. There was no 'storming out' or drama. Just a time to leave, a time to be silent.
Sometimes the best thing you can do, the best way you can love, is to leave.
No comments:
Post a Comment