Day Two Hundred and Fifty Five - Day Four

Despite the confusion that the title may create, I did intentionally name this one 'Day Four'. Because "Day Four" does not refer to how long we've been in the Rabbit Hole together, but Day Four of quitting smoking. See... I'm not entirely sure whether my reaction to quitting is normal, but it is consistent. I would know as this will be my 3rd attempt. (Some may disagree with that number and say that it's higher. I would say, "I only told you I was quitting so you'd shut up and let me enjoy my cigarette in peace.") I only remember two other legitimate attempts. And each time, like clockwork, the process begins.

Day One: Sleep comes easier and I find myself constantly hungry though only able to eat a little at each sitting as the nicotine withdrawl, for reasons unbeknownst to me and science, severely messes with my digestive system, making the entire day rather unpleasant. However, toward the end of the day, the manic energy begins to kick in, making it worth it.

Day Two: Manic energy constantly, the end of the tummy troubles, and lots and lots of eating.

Day Three: More manic energy and the blissful and sweet taste of victory, for surely I have conquered this foe (rather easily).

Day Four: EVERY SINGLE ACTIVITY ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET REQUIRES THAT I SMOKE DURING IT. At least, that's what my brain keeps telling me. Over and over and over again. If I can make it past day four, I'm fairly guaranteed straight through to week two (barring any massive emotional situations). Making it past Day Four is a beast. And I know it is.

But at least this time, I know it's coming. Day Four should be (just slightly) easier to handle when I know the punch my body is going to throw at me. I can do this. I am stronger than the chemical receptors in my brain (or so I keep telling myself. I'm simply glad seratonin doesn't have a cancerous down side at this point.)

My only point is sometimes, you have to do things over and over and over again. Big things. Like quitting smoking (for real, not just to shut your friends up). You have to put your heart out there and have relationships, you have to go through a few jobs, until your life is how you want it. Almost no one quits and stays quit the first time. Just like the chances that you're first sweetheart is the one is only slightly higher than winning the lottery. You learn your pitfalls in relationships and how to avoid them. Even if you feel stupid when you get all giddy (like a teenager) again. Or when you get your heart broken. Again. And I've learned to batten down the hatchets for Day Four if I want any chance of survival. Sure I sound like an idiot for trying (again) to quit smoking. But I'd sound like a much bigger idiot to not try again just because it didn't work the first time.