I'm an incredibly stubborn human being. I really, really am. Ask any of my friends. When I have my mind set on something... it's not easy to get me to turn away from it. That being said... sometimes I have a tendency to not take help when I really should. I'm convinced that the most difficult way of doing something is the only way because I'm a ninja dammit. I can do anything I set my mind to. And that's true. I can. But why exhaust myself when I don't have to?
That's why... this time, I took the easy way. Life is changing too much for me to sit there and be strong. Because as soon as I get distracted my willpower disappears. And I get distracted really, really easily. Sitting and talking with someone distracts me and then suddenly my hand is itching for a cigarette. And once the itch starts... it takes a lot of willpower to resist. It's like a bug bite. And there is cortizone, but in the past I've said, "No. Cortizone is just not for me. I can just resist." That's kind of stupid. So I went and bought some cortizone so I can still have a social life and quit destroying my lungs.
Meet the eCig. (BTW - this post is completely disjointed, not because I've got nicotine in my system again, without all the harmful chemicals, but because I'm rather severely sleep deprived.) The Djarum flavored eCig. Now, when it the itch gets really, really bad, or when I get distracted, I can take a little break without feeling too guilty.
Because let's be very, very clear about something. No smoker, in the history of ever, has quit smoking because they didn't enjoy smoking. I, personally, love smoking. It's relaxing, it's a rush of endorphines, it's just pleasant all around. I'm quitting because I don't like the smell on my clothes and hair after the fact, and because it'll slowly turn my lungs into nasty black things that don't work very well. And as I enjoy being alive and able to breathe, it's time to stop. The eCig is nicotine in water vapor. Flavored water for that matter. It tastes just like a Djarum. And smells like one too. And has enough nicotine to keep the little parts of my brain that are insistent upon being fed quiet. But just quiet.
Smoking is more habit than addiction. It's the action of taking 5 minutes to just breathe (yes, breathe chemicals but breathe) and think and calm down a whole lot more than the actual nicotine to the system. Yes, I am addicted to nicotine. But my habit is to reach for a smoke. That's what has to be broken. And the eCig will help. That's what it is. Help.
Making good choices doesn't always mean you have to take the hardest way.
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