My ancestors are from eastern Europe, Russia, Germany, and England. Mostly eastern Europe. Which translates as = looking like a girl is something I have to work for. It does not come naturally. Naturally, I have a unibrow. (I kid you not, there are pictures, though I'll be damned if they ever see the light of day again.) I have to shave every day to maintain smoothness on my legs. It takes real effort to keep me looking feminine. And for long periods of time, I have been known to quit trying. Winters especially. Because honestly, who cares? It's winter. No one is going to know I haven't shaved in a week. Except my sheets. I mean, sure, I keep my eyebrows separated, but don't really pay attention as they attempt to rejoin my hairline.
And today, it sort of hit me how much I wanted to look feminine again. Not for The Gentleman (though God knows he deserves a woman who cares. Poor thing has put up with my long, dried out hair and caterpillar eyebrows for too long now without saying a word.) but for me. Because I want to look like The Gentleman makes me feel. I even got nail polish. Sure, it's clear, because I prefer the natural look of my nails, but the point remains. I made today a sort of 'spa day' at home (which, if there are any men reading this, was not all massages and hot stones. There were tweezers, scissors, and noxious chemicals involved). My eyebrows are once again feminine. My hair got a desperately needed cut and color. My legs are smooth. My nails are done. And for once, I feel as soft on the outside as I do on the inside. I match.
Because I've found the freedom to match the inside to the outside, whatever that may be. Maybe it's a cut and color. Maybe it's a casserole or two in the fridge. Maybe it's my favorite pair of sweatpants. Maybe it's heels and a skirt. Maybe it's sitting and home reading a good book. Maybe it's going out with friends. I want my life to match me, whatever that may be. And I've finally found the freedom to do it. Which means, today, that I feel like the girl that I am, and tomorrow, my house will get cleaned.
Because my life needs maintenance just like my body does. I've been letting it slide for as long as possible for the last few weeks. I've been too tired and busy. But now is the time to get it back where I want it. I want my house to be as clean as my head feels (no doubts, no worries, no mess). I want my fridge to be as full as my heart. I want my house to feel as relaxed as I do, so it needs to be cleaned. And then, like my mind, heart, and emotions, needs to be maintained in order to remain that way. There is no beauty switch that we can just turn on, nor (short of hiring merry maids) is there a way to keep a house that is lived in just the way you like it without any effort. It's always worth it, I've learned. So when everything is great, enjoy it. Just don't forget that you have to work to keep it there.
No comments:
Post a Comment