Day Two Hundred and Seventy Six - Things I Cannot Change

Once, a very long time ago, I had a boyfriend who went to Basic Training for the Air Force. This will become important later. 

There are certain things about myself I cannot change. No matter how hard I try, it's never going to happen. Being a talker is one of those things. I need to talk to communicate. Not always me doing the talking, of course. I'm all for listening. But the very act of talking to another person, face to face or via text. Personally, I'm half convinced God invented text just for me. It's perfect for my disposition. I prefer the written word over the spoken one, and this way it's instant rather than waiting for the post. But in all earnestness, it doesn't matter. Text, talk, face time, I need to communicate, and often with those I love. 

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't have to be a constant thing. I have so many people I love and deeply care about that if I tried to stay in constant contact with all of them my phone would give me the finger and roll over and die. The majority of them I can go weeks or months without talking to and then suddenly, in a fit of remembrance, a flurry of communication will happen as we get caught up. However, for those in my inner circle, communicating deeply and often is essential. 

Remember that whole, 'I dated a guy who went through basic' thing? That is important because even though he was locked away by the military and I couldn't talk to him, I wrote him a letter every day. Not a little note card. A Letter. Telling him what I had done, what I missed about him, what I had learned or thought or enjoyed. I told him about my good days and my bad. I told him how much I loved and missed him and what I was planning for us when he got back. It didn't matter that I couldn't hear his response, I knew he wanted to hear from me. And he did. Although it vexed his mother more than I could express, both of his calls home went to me. He told me how much he loved me, how much he loved the letters, how they helped him feel connected and loved and not forgotten. I'm not saying every guy is like that, but... I have to communicate. That I cannot change. 

I learned that over the last few weeks. I have so much to communicate, so much I want to hear and be heard. I need it. I need it. That is all.