Day Two Hundred and Eighty Four - Seed

You ever feel like life is closing in on you? Like everything you ever wanted is just on the other side of that wall, but you can't go over it or around it, it just keeps closing in on you? It's dark. But it's hot, not cold. Because you've had enough. Screw the wall. Who does it think it is? You're more than the damn wall. You are unstoppable. And you can do everything you ever thought you could. And you're tired of being afraid. And you're tired of being bullied by the ever shrinking wall. And so you're angry enough to punch the damn wall. And you're going to. It doesn't matter how much it hurts. You are too big for it, and it will give way before you. Even if it means a few broken bones on the way. 

Congratulations, you're a seed. Well. I am at least. I have to fight for it, it's never going to just come to me. I have to go get it. And I have to break through my fears, through everything everyone has told me (potential and failures together), the vision in my head of where I thought I would be by now, all of it. None of it matters anymore. All that matters is that I'm alive and am reaching, running, fighting for what I want. 

And when I poke my head out of this ground where I've been hibernating my winter away in, and see the sun, and breathe the air - every bruise, every wound, every fight, will have been completely and totally worth it. 

And now, now I'm gearing up for the biggest fight me and the wall have ever had. The fight in which I'm going to kick its ass. I'm not only going to get what I need (a brand new, shiny, big girl job that pays all of my bills and then some) but I'm going to get what I want too.

And I want a lot. I want change and movement. I want a place of my own, I want to know I can do this on my own, I want a big bed and larger life. I want a real church community. I want new places to explore, new restaurants to find, new coffee shops to be loyal to. I want to make so many things. And nothing, nothing is going to stop me. 

Don't let anything stop you either.