You ever think back to times in your life and say, "That wasn't so very different from now."? I do that a lot. I do believe I have mentioned in this blog that I used to work at a bar and had a number of lovely coworkers of whom I was very fond. I saw one of those coworkers tonight. And it was all I could do to keep my face looking normal.
This lovely girl whom I met about a year and a half ago has aged about 7 years. She looked, to be frank, terrible. Her eyes were sunken. She had wrinkles. Her hair looked thinner. And her smile screamed of hopelessness. I gave her a hug and asked her how she was and she showed me her new tattoos. She asked how I was and of course I immediately started gushing about Anthem. My Anthem. My wonderful Anthem. And then... then I remembered how different things really were when I worked there. How much I had gotten used to, and how now it seems completely foreign. I was suddenly culture shocked.
"Ooooh, he's cute! Do you send each other naked pictures?"
I just stared at her for a second. "Um, no. No." I had literally just finished telling her about the calling at 4:30 am to tell me he believed in me story. No.
She hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Phone sex?"
I blushed and looked down, "No, no." Don't get me wrong. I am incredibly attracted to Anthem and cannot wait to kiss him. But I'm also looking forward to holding his hand, to being able to hug him, to hold his face, to look in his eyes.
She laughed, really, really loudly. Unnecessarily loudly. "Ah! Of course you have. You have to do something. I just hope you bang this one. Okay. Well. I've got to go." And she was grabbing her bag and was gone. And I just stood. Culture shocked. She wasn't always like this, was she? I remember she used to drink a bit much at work, and we had to take care of her at work rather frequently, but... I remember when she was happy in a relationship. We've always had different values, different lifestyles. But this?
I hope she finds something that genuinely brings back her smile and makes her feel safe and fills that hole inside. And I hope I never get so hurt by life, so knocked down, that it comes to that.
Thank you friends, for always being there to pick me up when I fall down. Thank you, God, for always bringing hope to my heart and filling me when I feel dry. Thank you, Anthem, for bringing the biggest smile to my face and my heart that I've ever known.
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