A dear friend of mine told me last night that I was waiting for a fairytale when it comes to love. I disagreed with him at the time. Now... I think he might be right. But he sees it as an impossible goal, while I see it as my only option.
Sort of like my job search at the moment. I need a miracle. So far I've been recruited by insurance agencies and call centers. And I spent an hour and half today learning why I didn't want to be an insurance agent, and a half an hour learning that call centers don't pay a livable wage. I'm praying for that job in Madison, WI. But here's the thing. It's not that I'm too proud to work in a call center, I'm not. I'm not too proud to work at McDonald's. Work is work, and working is always less shameful than not working. But I have bills to pay, and need to find a job that will pay them. I'll work at the call center and get a second job if it comes to that, but even that will just be scraping by. Taxes and student loans are killing me. Well. My checkbook anyway. Being an insurance agent apparently pays out the wazoo. Yes. Wazoo. But that is the one and only thing that sounds good about it. And the one I interviewed at was asking for at least a 6 year commitment. I'm SO not in a place to give a 6 year commitment. 1 year, maybe 2 I could swing for some great paychecks. 6? No. Money is not that important to me. I cannot make a decision for 6 years of my life solely based on money.
So... I wait. I hope. I pray for something better. For something that I'll enjoy, or at least won't have to constantly be someone I'm not. For something that will pay the bills. For something... for something that fits with what I want my life to be. And I'm not going to stop looking until I find it. It's out there. And I'm going to find it. Because I decide what my life will be, not the job market.
The same way I wait for the right guy. I'm not going to settle for someone that can offer me only one of the things I need. I have friends in the meantime, but I am looking for more than friends. I'm looking for forever. In this culture, in this time, forever is so rare I can see where it might be confused with a fairytale. And in this job market, being able to pay the bills without selling your soul also sounds like a fairytale. So... I guess I'm just waiting on a fairytale because anything else just isn't going to work for me.
Besides. When you're a sparkly marshmallow... your life is a fairytale because you decided it was going to be extraordinary and haven't let anyone take your joy, passion, love, and commitment to dancing to your own beat and blazing your own trail. That alone makes you a fairy tale to everyone else.
No comments:
Post a Comment