Day One Hundred and Fifteen - I'm Not Going To Spend My Whole Life Here

A few weeks ago, I spent 3 days at my brother's house. I mostly talked to my sister in law, but I spent a little time with my brother as well. When I told him I didn't always want to live here, his reaction was... strong. He always expected me to be near. I'm family. That's what family does. 

The truth is, I'll always love my brother, and he'll always be family. But I won't always be near. Truth be told, I have got to get out of here. This place... it's not that it's not enough. A place is what you make of it. But this place is safe and I can't live the life I really want to when I'm safe. When nothing has to change. When I don't have to take risks. When the past is a ghost on every corner. 

There is more of me somewhere, but I have to go and find it and work for it and pull it out of the deeper parts of me. I don't know when, I can't leave while I have bills to pay, but that's why I'm getting job #2. To pay off and to save up. I know it won't be in the next hundred days, or maybe even the hundred after that. But I can tell you, I will post a picture of me by the sea, near my new home, sometime in this next 885 days. 

Cause sometimes, to be all you can be, you've got to shake things up, take a leap of faith, and chase the saltwater. I won't live my whole life here. I can't. As much as I love routine, there is a part of me that cannot be found in the midwest. It has to be found on a beach. 

Truth be told... I think I have to go find my heart. I need it, you see, so I can at the very least have a chance to give it away.