That's today's question ladies and gents. Who am I to you? And I don't mean whether I'm your friend, sister, cousin, mortal enemy, crush, etc. What I mean is...Well I'm not sure I can really explain it in a single sentence or two. Maybe I can only explain it by example.
Two days ago I embarked on an adventure. I call it that not because it was a long trip, or a trip to a far away place, or a trip to do adventurous things, but a trip in which I had no control. I didn't know exactly where we were going, or when we'd get there, or what we were going to do. I didn't even drive. (For those of you who understand the significance of that, I have a witness. Didn't even touch the steering wheel. Or the radio. I KNOW.) Willingly letting go of control is not something that comes naturally to a control freak like myself. But trusting someone enough to give over control is something that is essential in my spiritual life, and something that is necessary to learn in my emotional life. I trust the Original Sparkly Marshmallow. So I got in the car and went along for the ride.
Two days with the Originally Sparkly Marshmallow. I knew it was destined to be amacing (I hate you right now) but had no idea how significantly so. In two days, the answer to the question of "Who am I?" got a lot clearer. Well. Let's answer the question. Who am I?
Who am I? I am Valerie Rose. I live in Iowa. I am my mother's only daughter and my brother's only sister. I am a big piece of a small business. I am an aunt. I am a friend. I am a Christian. It's a short list. In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing special, and certainly the world has no reason to take any notice of me what so ever. But who I am matters to me. Because it is my life, and I am the only one who gets to decide who I am beyond the paperwork of birth certificate, driver's license, and criminal record. (I speed a lot, don't judge.)
But let's face it. I can't see myself very clearly at all. If you read the blog regularly, you'll have seen the post about all the things that I am. About who I am and how I see me. That was a good day. Not all days are that clear. In fact, the vast majority of them aren't. And we as human beings have a lot of walls that keep us from being more honest with each other about this, about who we are, what we mean to each other. So when I get the rare chance of having someone tell me who I am to them, I pay attention.
The answer to 'Who am I to you?' by the Original Sparkly Marshmallow was honestly shocking to me. Some of it I already knew. Other parts I had no idea about. The only part that I am going to share with you is my shock when he told me that I had helped him with his faith. This was shocking to me because it answered a completely separate question, one that I have always been more than a little terrified of. "Who am I to God?" I have the answers memorized. I am His daughter. I am forgiven. I am special, I am loved, I am made in His image. But I've never really thought of myself of being much good to Him. As a Christian, I am mostly a fuck up who constantly has to get up and try again because I constantly fail at living up to my own standards. I often pray to be forgiven for being a stumbling block to others because I just cannot seem to live by example. I just screw up too often. And so, though I'd never admit it out loud, whenever I thought about the question, "Who am I to God?" the silent response of my heart was, "A disappointment."
But tonight, He corrected me. Tonight, He showed me that He can use me, so long as I am willing. I'm never going to be the perfect Christian. Ever. But so long as I am willing, so long as I earnestly desire to please Him and to show Him to others to the best of my ability, He can use me. So yes, all the other answers are still true. I am a daughter of God, I am loved, I am forgiven. But tonight, another answer was added, one that means far more to me, for I had to learn it. "Who am I to God?" I am His witness.
If one friend's answer to "Who am I to you?" can teach me something so... wonderful, then I'm all for more learning. And let's face it, I'm really, really curious. So tell me, who am I to you? And if you work up the courage to ask, I'll tell you who you are to me.
Wow, what a wonderful lesson for you to learn today. Beautiful! I think we have incredibly bare knowledge of the multitude of ways God uses us ---some day we will all be very, very surprised, I think. As for who you are to me, here is a short list! You are my right-hand woman, someone who is reliable and dependable, someone to whom I could entrust my very life! You are loyal. You are a great listener, an enthusiastic co-dreamer, a total go-getter. You are understanding, flexible, and encouraging. You take joy in simple things in life. You are your true, unique self who is delightfully quirky and spunky. You are introspective and profound. You are honest with yourself and others. You have your priorities straight. You have a deep faith that inspires many. You grasp the differences between goals and ideals. You are dynamic --always learning and growing. You are ridiculously fun. You are diverse and, thus, interesting. You are a total pleasure to count among my friends!
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