After pondering last night's post this morning as I was driving around (more of my revelations about life happen in the car...) I stumbled upon another one. The post "What I've Made" was all about how lovely I am, which is true. And I'm not trying to invalidate the point at all. It's very true. But... I can't help but think that perhaps I was seeing something else entirely.
Rather than being anything close to any sort of finished work, or really even work in progress... I think the real point is that I am nothing but a foundation. Sure, two years ago, a wrecking ball was taken to my life. But there is more to tearing down in order to rebuild than a wrecking ball. My foundation had to be completely remade, everything that was weighing me down was slowly stripped off, layer by layer, until the original me was found.
Yes, a great many things have been added to me, for which I am thankful, but in retrospect the vast majority of the work that I've undergone in the past few years weren't about adding unto, but were about taking away the lies and the pain and being able to start new. Being able to start with me and the truth. No more negativity from asshole boyfriends, or past mistakes weighing me down. The lies have been removed and so, though I haven't had any added burdens to increase my strength, not bearing burdens that were never mine to bear in the first place, I find I have a lot more strength to deal with life.
And very recently, the ability to see myself with grace, and thusly have a lot more grace toward everyone. When I'm not mad at myself anymore, when I don't feel the need to punish myself anymore, I find I have no desire to be angry at or punish anyone else, either. Except those 3 bitches that damn near killed the hearts of good men. But that's a righteous anger against evil. Everything else... isn't mine to deal with. I give it to God.
A very long time ago I was told, "I have hidden your heart away in a place where there was no hurt, where no sin was committed. It is whole, it is safe, with Me. And I will return it to you when the love of a woman is needed rather than the love of her God." And I realized the truth of that today. I have been protected. My heart is not a cold dead thing, but rather a new, tender, fresh thing. It has been given back to me.
I want to get some rest, bask in this glorious weightlessness, and get excited. If this is just the foundation, what on earth is He going to build?
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