Day One Hundred and Ninety Four - A Lighter Side

The truth set me free. There is no arguing that. It also punched me in the gut and smacked me across the face a few times. The truth, especially the truth of who I am, isn't exactly pleasant. Liberating, yes. Necessary, definitely. Pleasant, not even a little bit. 

And when I got out of bed this morning, all I could do was lick my wounds. They were still raw, I felt like I was still bleeding. My eyes were still red, swollen, and leaking. I had no energy. I walked around like a zombie. I didn't make eye contact, and barely smiled. I just wanted to get through the day. I knew that I wasn't helping anything; I knew feeling low wasn't going to change me. So I tried to smile, to be friendly to strangers at least. By lunch I was doing fairly well. By the time I went home, I had genuinely laughed. 

When I got home, a friend texted me what will become my motto, probably for the entire month of June, if not the whole summer. He said, "You need to be held down and tickled until your priorities straighten out." In that one sentence, he pulled me out of myself. Yes, changes need to be made. Yes, there is a lot of work to be done. It'll push me and grow me and stretch me and break me more times than I can count. 

But I take myself waaaaay too freaking seriously. Life doesn't pause for big life changes, it keeps going right on through them. Having a straight face all the time won't make this go any faster. But being held down and tickled until I realize once again that I'm just a little girl put on this earth to LIVE will make this more pleasant for everyone. Putting my heart through it's own personal purgatory isn't going to help a damned thing. I will not be a martyr to my mistakes. 

But I will be held captive by laughter. I will be dragged into things I didn't originally anticipate doing (though I probably secretly wished I was brave enough to do the whole time). I will probably be thrown in pools. I may be held down and tickled. I will be teased to my wits end. Because I need to be, and luckily, my sarcastic ass friends get that. They need that they need to prick my ego, and make me laugh at myself. 

Because I'm not the center of the world, and shouldn't be the center of mine. And nothing really straightens out your priorities like realizing how small you are, how fast time flies, how much can heal with a laugh, and how good life is in the moment. Here's to maybe actually being able to change something because I chilled the fuck out and just laughed til I peed a little.