I know a lot of my friends don't believe in this concept, or not the same way I do, and that's okay. It's a belief. I very much believe in God's providence. I'm not saying it's something that happens 100% of the time, orchestrating my life just so. No. I'm saying every once in a while something happens through a set of circumstances that couldn't have been predicted in order to make something happen that just can't be coincidence. Nature never made a Rube Goldberg machine is what I'm saying.
Tonight, I think I'm in the middle of one. I don't think I've hit the end quite yet, because it continues to twist and turn in all sorts of unexpected ways. Let's briefly follow it from where I can pinpoint a beginning. An out of town buddy was in town the same day I happened to work a night shift. My one and only night shift for the entire month of June. I would have the time, and energy, to meet up with him. When I did, he and our other mutual friends needed a DD, which I was more than happy to provide. Being around alcohol all night made me have a few too many smokes, which everyone knows makes me sleep like absolute crap. Which is why I was able to bolt awake this morning rather than sleep the day away. Right as I'm about to get ready for bed, nice and early, around 8ish, to try and keep my schedule, two friends end up playing off each other to royally piss me off. Shattering any illusion that I would go to bed soon. Almost instantly, a friend texts me with an invite that sounds absolutely lovely. Rather than ruin it by staying angry, I goosfraba it and go do what I want to do. Now I'm up late and convinced this weekend is an elaborate Rube Goldberg Machine of providence.
Or maybe it's just easier to focus on that than it is to admit to myself that I still don't know how to change. It doesn't seem like much, in fact it seems like nothing at all, but during the week I have been working on... the lesser parts of me. In my floundering attempts at trying to be better, I try to pay attention more to what I do, and especially how I react. I can only change that which I am aware of. And seeing each working part leading smoothly from one to the other, a weight added here making more lightly to turn right rather than left, is when I first started to notice the Rube Goldberg-esque quality of it. The whole weekend has just felt... oddly, masterfully, orchestrated. It's the first time, in a very long time, that it has felt that way.
Oddly enough, it's a very good feeling.
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