I'm not going to ask you why you carry them, that is obvious. There are only two reasons why anyone carries anything. Either a) no one else will carry it, and it must be carried or b) you don't trust anyone else to carry it, and it must be carried.
The obviousness of the why, and that so many people don't seem to grasp the obviousness of the why, often leads me to frustration. "Just let it go." People say. Because thank you, Captain Obvious, that had never occurred to me. It's not like I often dream of a time when I wouldn't have to carry so much. When I could just let someone else handle it for a while. It's something I wish for, often. In the quiet moments. In the moments when I don't have to be strong. I pray that someone would come, and not carry everything for me, but maybe help me carry.
Until someone comes along, the burdens are still mine, and only mine, to carry. This city, this country, is full of people looking to shirk their responsibilities, their burdens, onto anyone who is willing to take them. The burdens of many are carried on the backs of a few. I will not shirk my responsibilities, I will not simply wait for someone else to carry me. It's not how I was made.
But I wasn't made to carry so much, either. It's more than I can bear. There is One who is deserving of my trust, One who will carry my burdens for me, One who will carry me when I am tired. All I have to do is trust Him enough to let Him. I carry my burdens close to my heart, they are not obligations. They are dreams, they are people, they are responsibilities that I bear gladly. But they're heavy. I cannot do them justice.
I want to give them away. I want to give them to someone more capable than myself. To give the burdens I carry for me, that's not so hard. But to give those I love to another, that requires a lot of trust. More trust than I think I have. I've never really had anyone to share my burdens with, or to carry them for me. For as long as I can remember, I have been carrying as much as I could handle. But after years of being brought low, rather inexplicably, He has earned my trust. And just in time. I'm exhausted. And out of options.
Because just carrying them is not enough. We carry them to lift them up. The bring them up. To raise them up. Facts are facts, I am only treading water. I am not raising anyone up. It's time to give them to Someone who can.
So for the rest of the summer, I am only thinking one day at a time. Planning one day at a time. And not worrying about a single damn thing. I will only get through the day, and let Him take care of the rest. I am giving each and every worry to Him. Each and every burden to Him. I can't do anything anyway. I cannot change anything by myself. I know more will change than I can possibly anticipate. And knowing that I don't have to do a single thing but give it away.
And He will not only carry my burdens for me. He will carry me too, and take me where He wants me to be. In Him only will I find the rest I so desperately need.
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